Wesker's Angels
by Phoenix-KaZ
Summary: A bunch of skits starring Jill, Claire, and Ada. My attempt at humor. May develop into a story with plot! Sucky summary is sucky. 'T' for language and minor perverted things.
1. The skit that started it all!

**AN: Okay, 2nd published work! ****This is not suppo****sed to be a real story,** **more like a series of skits put together by me and some friends when I first got interested in Resident Evil.** **Yes, there are paradoxes, but this is for comedy. A little something for my readers to enjoy while they wait and to get my name out in the internet.  
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**I realize that this "Script" format is not what this website likes, but this is what I have. If they ask me to take this down, I might rewrite this into "Real story" format.  
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**Disclaimer****: I don't own Resident Evil, or any other recognizable culture references.  
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(At a random coffeehouse)

**Claire Redfield and Jill Valentine are sitting at a table, chatting away. Ada Wong walks in, gets a drink, and walks over, overhearing their conversation**

Jill: … And all of a sudden he decides to drop everything and go on a mission to Africa of all places!

Claire: I think we can both agree he's a jerk. My last partner did the exact same thing!

Ada: Excuse me?

**Jill and Claire look up at Ada**

Ada: May I sit here? Also, your guy problems are nothing compared to mine: I've got one stalker, and my boss is shamelessly obsessed with this huge soldier beefcake. He sells illegal drugs as well….my boss that is.

Claire: **stunned** ... Wow.

Jill: You win. Neither of us can beat that. Have a seat.

**Ada sits**

Ada: So what are your stories? **sips coffee**

Jill: My old partner from the police unit I worked with just left for Africa without telling me anything. We've been dating for a while, but lately he's been ignoring me!

Ada: **raises eyebrow** Have you tried dressing…down for him?

Jill: I tried that ages ago! I wore a tube top and a miniskirt in a zombie infested city! That didn't work, so now I'm wearing this bodysuit! **starts crying** I even dyed my hair blonde for him!

Claire: **starts patting Jill's back** There, there.

Jill: **sobbing** And on top of that, he's gotten addicted to steroids!

Ada: That's pretty serious. **turns to Claire** What about you?

Claire: I did have a partner for a while, but I wasn't a cop; this whole mess with zombies started while I was in college for Pete's sake!

Ada: Really?

Claire: The guy I was with was always interested with this other woman! This was back when he was a rookie cop. I hear he's a government agent now. After him, there was one other guy I had a crush on, but he died.

Ada: Oh dear…

Claire: Also, Jill's AWOL boyfriend is my older brother! He treats me like a little girl, even though I'm an adult! Now I'm working for a human rights organization, and feeling pretty good about myself, despite being single.

Ada: I see. It doesn't sound so bad compared to ….Jill's issues.

Claire: **sighs** Yeah, but now my idiot-gorilla brother is being stalked by some creepy scumbag. I'd like to beat the shit out of both of them if I had the chance.

Ada:…Okay.

Jill: What about you? What's your deal?

Ada: Well, there is one man that I worked with briefly who still follows me around like a puppy. He's always shouting "Ada wait!" It gets really obnoxious.

Claire: **suspicious** Ada? Don't I know you from somewhere?

Ada: No. And then there's my boss. He's all tall dark and handsome on the outside, but he is the biggest jerk ever! I used to be his go-to girl before that foreign she-bat Excella appeared. I don't care if she's rich, European, and has an accent; her dress is skimpier than mine!

Jill: **surprise** Whoa!

Claire: **alarm** Skank-alert!

Ada: And it gets worse! My boss won't stop going on about his man-crush on this "G.I. Joe" to the point of stalking and keeping a secret shrine. If I try to turn him in, his company's P.R. covers it up. The tabloids can't touch him.

Claire:**spews coffee** "G.I. Joe"?

Jill: "man-crush"? Where have I…hey, what did you say your name was?

Ada: Ada…Ada Wong.

Jill & Claire: **reach for weapons**

Ada: Wait! **pauses before holding up cup of coffee** Coffee truce?

(One hour of negotiating later…)

Ada: Alright, now that this coffee truce is in effect, we cannot hurt each other during these meetings.

Jill & Claire: Agreed.

Jill: You know what? We should do this often.

Claire: It's a nice break from reality, and fun! I'm Claire Redfield, by the way. My friend is Jill Valentine.

Ada:…if work allows it, I'd be more than happy to make that arrangement. **Nervous** The coffee truce will still be in effect, right?

Jill: Course it will be. What kind of work do you do?

Ada: I'm mostly freelance right now. I'll work for anybody that pays well.

Jill: Cool. I got reassigned to a group called the BSAA.

Claire: **cheerfully** TerraSave! We help people! **serious** Let me get this straight: Leon, my first partner, is currently puppy-dogging Ada, who worked for Wesker before Excella stole her thunder.

Jill: **nods** And Wesker has a man-crush on Claire's brother, Chris, who is currently in Africa shooting up steroids.

Ada: The last time I saw Leon, he was dragging around a little girl and a weird foreigner in Spain.

Claire: Ew!

Jill: I haven't heard anything from Chris in a while. Claire, is he still sending you messages?

Claire: Oh yeah! I got something from him recently on my phone. **checks messages on phone** Ummm…?

Jill: **curious** What is it?

Claire: He say he's having a good time in Africa and has a new partner.

Jill: **angry** Who?

Claire: Some young African lady.

Ada: **looks over** She's pretty good-looking. She's not wearing that much though, but not nearly as bad as Excella.

Claire: Dunno how useful she's going to be. I think her name is… Sheva?

Jill: **lunges over table** Give me that phone!

Claire: **holds phone away** Jill, wait!

Jill: **stops fighting**

Claire: I forgot to tell you. Chris still thinks you're dead.

Jill & Ada: …What?

Claire: …He saw you dive out that window after Wesker and thought you died. **checks phone** He wants to know when the memorial is.

Jill: …okay, I'm going to kick him where it hurts when he gets back.

Claire: I call dibs on his kneecaps and nose.

Ada: Whoa, slow down, ladies. I have an idea.

Jill & Claire: **look at Ada**

Ada: Why don't we form a team, then go kick his teeth in?

Claire:…That's brilliant.

Jill: I remember a place we can use as a base. There was this castle I found myself stuck in for a really long time.

Ada: Why were you in there?

Jill: Dunno. All I recall is chest pain. And I have scars too! **opens battlesuit and shows off scars**

Claire: Whoa! You might want to put those back, Jill. We're in a coffee shop.

Ada: Looks like a hickey.

Jill: It's not! **zips up battlesuit** I also remember this voice ordering me around; I really wanted to shoot him. There was another one that kept shouting my name too; he was really annoying. I think he got his face kicked in. I don't know who did it, but I felt good.

Ada:…I think I know which castle you're talking about. I think I have the security footage from that place. **shows footage to Jill & Claire**

Claire: That's Jill all right! I gotta get a copy of this footage and post it on the internet!

Jill: …Wow I'm good. Let's get back to business.

Claire: This trip will be perfect! Jill can hurt my brother, Ada can get back at Wesker, and I can have a vacation!

Ada: I can get us a plane to Africa today. I've got someone who owes me a favor or two.

Jill: Great! Let's go!

(Outside the coffee shop)

Jill & Claire: **chatter**

Ada: **gasps**

Claire: Ada? What are you-?

Ada: If he asks for me, I'm not here! **hides in shrubbery**

Claire: Wha-?

Leon: **walks up** Morning Jill, Claire. Have either of you seen Ada around here?

Jill: Who? We don't know anybody named Ada.

Leon: You sure? Short black hair? Red dress? Asian? Hot?

Claire: Nope.

Leon: **sad** Okay. **leaves**

Jill: He's gone now.

Ada: **climbs out of shrubbery** Thank goodness. I was able to get us a flight to Africa while I was hiding. It leaves this afternoon.

Claire: Yay!

Jill: Alright! Let's get our things packed!

**All the girls leave**

(Thirty minutes later, inside the coffee shop)

Rebecca: **walks in** Hey guys! Sorry I'm….**looks around, finding nobody**…late?

Merchant: **behind counter, wearing apron**…What are ya orderin'?

**AN: Review and tell me if you want more!**


	2. Skit that started it all! Part 2!

**AN: Here it part two of the skit that started it all! Funny thing is, my friends and I played out this half of the skit a long time ago**, **but I neglected to write this sucker down on paper, so I just pulled this out of my memory and filled in the blanks! I think it's still good anyway!**

**This first skit is dedicated to my friend JediSpartan217! Happy birthday you ChrisXJill-obsessed fangirl! ****Go leave her ****a birthday message in the reviews! I'll make sure they are carried on to her!** **She's going to finish her first fic soon!**

**For the rest of you: Happy New Year!**

(In Africa)

**Jill, Claire, and Ada are getting off the plane**

Claire: **cheers** Yay! We made it to Africa! Time for a vacation!

Jill: **grabs Claire's ponytail** Hold up, Redfield. We still have to find your brother first. The castle is around here somewhere.

Ada: Isn't the castle underground?

Jill: Yes, but I know Wesker had a hidden entrance around… **walks to a sandy patch of dirt** …here.

Ada & Claire: **walk over next to Jill**

Claire: I don't see it.

Ada: We're standing right next to it. The door should open about **checks watch**… now.

**Hatch pops open underneath Jill, Claire, and Ada. The thee women fall down the hole**

Jill & Claire & Ada:**falling** WHHAAAAAAAAAAHH!

**They all land in a bale of hay**

Ada: **brushes hay off her dress** Remind me to kill the architect who designed this place.

Claire: **pulling herself out of hay pile** Ya know Ada, judging from the amount of mold on the walls, the designer is already dead.

Jill: **At bottom of hay pile** That's all and nice, girls, now GET OFF OF ME!

Claire & Ada: **squirm out of hay pile**

Jill: **brushes herself off** Now let's go find Claire's brother. I have a feeling there are a few people wandering around here.

**Claire and Ada follow Jill around the castle until they reach the Monarch room**

Claire: **looking around** Hey, isn't this where—?

Jill:**interrupting** No. Now where are those people…? **glances around**

Chris: **enters room from dark hallway** Jill?

Jill: **death glares at Chris** _You._

Excella: **walks in** What in the name of…

Ada: **death glares at Excella** _You._

**Jill and Ada proceed to fight Chris and Excella**

Jill: **kicking Chris' butt in agro-mode** Where's your new partner now? Is her rack better than mine? Huh?

Ada: **beating the tar out of Excella** You're not fooling anyone, lady; those boobs are SO fake! I want my job back!

Claire: **standing around** Well, I guess they've got their problems taken care of.

Rebecca: **appears from shadows, angry** Not entirely.

Claire: **freaked out** What the puck? Rebecca?

Rebecca: **to Claire** You and Jill stood me up at the coffee shop! It's payback time!

Claire: **confused** Uhhh…

Rebecca: Nobody remembers me anymore! I only got two games and a spot in Mercenaries! I haven't seen Billy in years either! I want to see him again! **bursts into tears**

Claire: Gee, sorry about that Rebecca.**goes to comfort Rebecca** Why don't we talk about this like real women?

(Five seconds later)

Claire: **cheering for Jill and Ada, holding Rebecca in a headlock** Hit him in his man-boobies, Jill! Chris' weak spot is right there! Ada! Is that the best you can do, use the chair! OoH! That's gonna ruin her hairdo!

Rebecca: **struggling** Lemme go! Lemme go! It hurts!

Claire: I'm not done yet Rebecca! **readies fist** Chris passed this secret move to me when I escaped from prison!

Rebecca: **whimpers** No! Anything but the—!

Claire: ULTIMATE REDFIELD DEATH NOOGIE! **messes up Rebecca's hair with her fist**

Rebecca: Nooooo~! **falls unconscious**

**Not much later, Chris and Excella are defeated and fall to the ground as well**

Jill: **massaging her hands, looking down at Chris** That's what you get for partnering up with some other woman.

Ada: **fixing hair and looking down at Excella** You're going to have to train harder if you want to work with Wesker. Oh and by the way, stay away from him. He's my boss.

?: **slow claps from shadows** Well done, ladies. You've passed the first test. But there will be more.

Ada: **looks up, annoyed** Wesker, stop hiding in the shadows. We know you're here.

Wesker: Very well. **emerges from shadows** Your skills are commendable, but I think a little training is in order.

Jill & Claire & Ada: **groan**

Wesker: But I think you'll be up to the challenge. I'll be speaking with you again later. **disappears**

**Jill, Claire & Ada glance around at each other**

Claire: You guys want to have that vacation now?

Jill & Ada: YES.

~FIN~


	3. Catfight!

**AN: Another skit for you all! This one was the second one I wrote after the whole coffee shop skit. So enjoy! Posting this so my readers can have something to enjoy while I write chapter 12 of my UCSH.  
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**For the sake of understanding, Ada is living with Claire and Jill for now at the Redfield house. These skits don't really follow a chronological order, so bear with me.**

**disclaimer: Nothing to disclaim except Resident Evil and its characters!  
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(Redfield house, 3AM)

**phone rings**

Claire: **wanders out and picks up phone** Redfield residence.

Wesker: Good morning Chris, I didn't know you were an early riser. I've missed you.

Claire: Chris isn't here Wesker. His plane got delayed.

Wesker: Oh, is he? In that case, tell your brother that I said 'hello', or you could give me his phone number.

Claire: Over. My. Dead. Body. Listen up, Wesker. I am getting really sick of you stalking my brother and calling the house at 3 in the morning! How did you get this number, anyway?

Wesker: A little butterfly told me.

Claire: **thinks** Ada!

Wesker: Sleep well, dear heart.~ **hangs up**

Claire: **grumbling, slams phone** why did Ada have to give out the number? For the love of—!

Ada: **walks out of guest room in slinky nightgown** Claire? Why are you up?

Claire: Wesker called, looking for Chris. Somebody gave him the number to this house!

Ada: **raises an eyebrow** And you think it was me?

Claire: Exactly!

Ada: Why Claire, I'm insulted. I have not had any contact with Wesker since he fired me.

Claire: I don't believe you.

Ada: **annoyed** Leon would believe me.

Claire: What Leon believes doesn't matter right now. This is between you and me!

Ada: Doesn't matter, huh? I can recall you shouting "Leon, help!" several times in Raccoon City!

Claire: Oh, it is on Ms. 'I-spy-in-high-heels-because-I'm-hot'!

Ada: At least I had enough decency not to fall asleep in my clothes, Ms. Redfield! And has anyone ever told you that you suck at making up insults?

Claire: Grrr… **leaps at Ada**

**catfight starts between Claire & Ada**

Jill: **walks out in bathrobe** What is going on here? **sees catfight** LADIES! Settle down! **pulls Claire & Ada apart** We're all old enough to wear our big girl pants, RIGHT?

Claire: **struggling** Ada gave the house phone number to Wesker!

Ada:**struggling as well** Did not!

**Claire & Ada break out of Jill's grasp and continue their catfight**

Jill: **stares down at them** ….I cannot believe I am doing this…**puts on bug-device and joins catfight**

**Leon and Chris enter through front door**

Chris: Claire! We're home!

**Girls look up and stare threateningly**

Leon:….Dude. Don't move.

Jill: Ladies…new targets. Get 'em!

**Jill, Claire & Ada attack Chris and Leon**

Wesker: **pokes his head through the open door** Chris~! **gets a pillow to the face and falls over**

Luis: **pokes head in doorway** Glad I'm not you, amigo.

END

**AN: Hope everybody enjoyed this one! As always, review and I shall post more!**


	4. Mercenaries!

**AN: A little comic-turned-skit I made up while waiting for Mercenaries 3D to be explains why this skit is so short. I do not own a 3DS (yet!) but I will buy one for myself in the near future now that I have the money!  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own Resident Evil, the characters, or the Mercenaries games. (Even though the idea for a 'Complete Edition' of Mercs is currently mine... I wish.)  
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(Living Room of Redfield House)

**Ada & Jill are sitting on the couch. Jill is intensely playing a video game while Ada watches**

Claire: **walks in, sees TV** Hey, what's this game? **leans on back of sofa**

Ada: It's called The Mercenaries: Complete Edition. Some fans sent it to us. **to Jill** Watch out for the Executioner.

Claire: Cool. Who's in it?

Ada: It has Chris, Jill, Leon, myself, Wesker, Krauser, and Sheva.

Jill: It also includes Barry, HUNK, Rebecca, and Excella.

Claire: **pissed off** SERIOUSLY? Rebecca and Excella made it in Mercenaries? What the heck happened there?

Jill: Shoot, the Executioner got me. Time to retry again.

Ada: Not sure. Only Capcom knows.

Claire: **angrily** You know what! I'm going to talk to the guys at Capcom and see if we can't sort this out.

Jill: **focused** You do that Claire.

(A few days later)

Claire: **dancing in glee** Capcom agreed to put me in the next Mercenaries game! I'm so happy I could go on a shooting spree!

Jill: **impressed** Wow! There's supposed to be a really long waiting list on place slots in those games.

Claire: Kinda weird, isn't it? But I'm not complaining!

(In the kitchen)

Ada: **on the phone, listening in shock** . . . You told me there was a waiting list! …What do you mean I've been bumped out of my spot?

**And that's how Claire Redfield got her spot in Mercenaries 3D! (and why Ada isn't in it!)**

**You know the drill! Reviews are loved!  
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	5. Official Formation!

**AN: Hello everyone! I realize this skit is short, but it's something for you to enjoy while I work on my other story! I've got a couple of skits that I'm working on for you guys right now, so watch out for those!  
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**I'm sorry to say, but after posting this skit, my productivity and posting rate is going to drop WAAAY down. Curse you midterms. My teachers are piling on final projects and other assignments ****like Uroboros on a pile of corpses. I've already had one pre-midterms mental breakdown caused by the combination of work stress and close proximity to stupid people who won't shut up! Aiyah! So here's your skit.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own Resident Evil or its characters, Capcom does.** **I'd rather not have to deal with SOPA/PIPA politics personally, if anyone knows what I'm talking about.**

(Kitchen of Redfield House, 8AM)

Chris: **making breakfast**

Claire: **walks in** Morning, Chris. Where's Jill?

Chris: She left for work early. About time you woke up, sis. I though I was going to have to put firecrackers under your bed.

Claire: **sits at table, sarcastic** Ha. Ha. Very funny, Chris. **to self, checking phone** Hey! Message from Ada!

Ada (voiceover): I can't make it to coffee today. Urgent job just came in. bye ;)

Claire (voiceover): **texts back** That's okay, Jill can't do it either. Thx. **sends message & closes phone**

Chris: Shouldn't you be leaving for work as well, Claire?

Claire: **phone beeps, Claire checks message** you're right, Chris. I should go. **gets up** Love ya! Bye! **leaves**

(Unknown Facility X)

Ada: **sitting in plastic chair** Sir, we've been waiting for a while. Care to explain why?

Wesker: **sitting behind desk** It seems the others have yet to arrive. You must be patient a little longer Miss Wong.

Ada:**sighs** I am patient. Are the "others" the backup I requested over a year ago?

Wesker: Somewhat. **picks up phone** What is it? …Good. Send them in. **hangs up** Your new teammates have arrived.

**Jill & Claire walk in through different doors, wearing battlesuits**

Claire: **surprised** Jill?

Jill: **surprised** Claire?

Ada: **playing along** Ada? :3

Wesker: …You three already know each other?

Ada: We ran into each other at a coffeehouse a long time ago.

Wesker:…I see… I guess this means we can skip introductions. B|

Claire: Okay ... Umm, what exactly is going on here?

Wesker: The Angel Project is a plan I developed before the Mansion Incident. In order to remake the world, I would need an elite team to carry out certain tasks from the shadows. That is where you come in, angels. Jill, if you please.

Jill: Yes sir. I was brought into this project as soon as I joined STARS. It was hard to keep a secret, but what could I say?

Claire: …really? O.o

Jill: Pretty much.

Wesker: The first stage of the Angel Project was a success. However, I felt that more than one person would be needed to reach the project's fullest potential.

Ada: That's where I came in. Wesker came to see me after reviewing the Mansion incident. He sent me into Raccoon not only to recover G samples, but to gauge the magnitude of the damage in the entire city. I also recommended Claire as a candidate for the Angel Project when I gave my report to Wesker.

Claire: And here I am. Wesker found me on Rockfort Island and gave me an offer. Over time, he finally convinced me that his world was better. Heheh. Nobody has to know.

Wesker: Agreed. The Angel project has come full circle. Are you ready for your first mission?

Jill & Claire & Ada: **salute** Yes, sir! :D

FIN

**AN: I ** ** shouldn't be telling you** **what you need to do next. The button is right down below. Review.**

**(I will respond to reviews concerning chapter 12 of UCSH this time around!)**


	6. Dirty Little Secrets!

**AN: Hey people! I'm not dead (yet, depending on when I post this.)! Mental breakdowns SUCK! Especially several days in a row! Grrr…. After this round of midterms, I am SO rewarding myself with a 3DS…**

**This is another skit I came up with a long time ago but neglected to write. Not too much Jill in this one I'm afraid! But it's longer than my recent skits! I've been working on writing two pretty long skits on paper. Both of them are probably going to be split into multiple parts. One of them is probably going to end this current season of Wesker's Angels, but have no fear: I'm planning out Season Two! I've got memories of past skits and new ideas from JediSpartan217! But don't worry, I still have some skits written up for this season as well. So there will be some time before the big projects get posted.**

**I feel that I should add that I came up with the prompt for this skit BEFORE I became a pega-sister. (That's right. I watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Deal with it.) So yeah, my idea of 'My Little Pony' toys at that time is much different than my idea of ponies today. Just thought I should toss this in.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil, or the characters. I also do not own the My Little Pony toy line.**

(Facility X, Laundry Room)

Claire: Thank goodness Wesker is letting us have dormitories here. It'd be a pain to move around all the time.

Ada: It'll take some time to get used to. I'm much more used to moving around different places. I'm certain Wesker gave us an entire section of the building to ourselves.

Claire: Really? Awesome!

Ada: So, how's your brother taking your moving away?

Claire: Me moving out? He's doing alright. Chris thinks "TerraSave" is giving me on-site lodgings since "the commute takes such a long time". Besides, I'll still keep some things back at the Redfield house every once in a while, it's not like I'm never going back.

Ada: You liar.

Claire: I take that as a compliment.

Ada: Anyway, you wouldn't be happening to be using that machine would you?

Claire: Nah, my clothes are in the dryer. I'm afraid there's only one washer/dryer combo that works down here.

Ada: **nods, looks at Out-of-Order sign on second washing machine** What happened to that one?

Claire: Okay, don't blame me, but I might have 'accidentally' dropped an entire box of detergent and it landed in the washer as it started. Eheheh, Umbrella doesn't make them like they used to.

Ada: **raises eyebrow, not buying it**

Claire: Honest. It was an accident. What's that look for?

Ada: None of your concern. **hefts laundry basket**

Claire: **looks at Ada's laundry** Dang! Is everything you own the color red? That's kinda crazy.

Ada: Not exactly. I have a black tactical uniform for stealth assignments, just in case.

Claire: **not believing her** Right. … **laundry machine timer dings** Oh, my washing is done. **pops lid & pulls stuff out as Ada dumps her stuff in** I'll just separate my clothes here and get out. **starts folding items**

Ada: Mind if I lend a hand?

Claire: Sure!

Ada: **joins Claire in folding, picks up clothing items** . . . Are these superhero print undies?

Claire: **embarrassed blush** Maybe!

Ada: **bored stare**

Claire: . . . I wasn't much of a girly girl, okay! I'll take care of those. **pulls undies away from Ada**

Ada: **grabs more laundry** I'm guessing the ones with Wonder Woman print are also yours?

Claire: Hey! That's my lucky pair! I was wondering where those where. **claims them from Ada**

Ada: And why are they your lucky pair, exactly?

Claire: I was wearing these during the Raccoon City incident. I got out alive, so that's why they're my lucky pair.

Ada: **realization** Ahhh…

Claire: . . . Promise you won't tell anyone? It's kind of a secret.

Ada: Tell anyone what?

Claire: That I . . . nevermind. I'll take that as a 'Yes'.

**laundry machine dings again**

Claire: Wow. These machines are fast.

Ada: **pulling out her laundry** Never underestimate Umbrella products. **stands straight with laundry basket** I'll iron these in my room. **exits laundry room**

Claire: Alright. **picks up her own laundry basket** I'll walk back with you. **mutters to herself** Who irons their clothes anymore? **exits room**

(Facility X, Hallway)

Ada: Here's my room. **struggles with door**

Claire: Let me get that for you! **sets basket door and heads for door**

Ada: I can do it just fi-! **Claire opens door**

Claire: **blinks in shock** That's a lot of My Little Ponies, Ada. I didn't know you collected them.

Ada: **undignified blush** It's a hobby. Nothing more.

Claire: Okay then. **looks closer** Is that black plush one with red eyes supposed to be Wesker?

Ada: . . . Yes.

Claire: **stares between Ada and the roomful of Ponies**

Ada: . . . I won't tell your secret if you won't tall anyone about mine. How about that? I'd rather not have this "hobby" become the subject of blackmail.

Claire: Deal. I'll leave you to your ponies.

**A crash is heard farther down the hall**

Ada: That sounded like it came from Jill's room!

Claire: I hope nothing fell on her!

**Claire & Ada abandon their laundry and run to Jill's room**

Claire: She blocked her door!

Ada: Allow me. **kicks the door open** What the-?

Claire: Is all of that CHRIS' stuff?

Ada: How did you get all of that?

Jill: **buried in Chris' stuff** Well . . . I'd rather not tell you.

Claire: **shock**. . . Are those his smelly old gym shoes all the way over there? Why on earth would you take those? They STINK!

Ada: Does somebody have a minor case of kleptomania with regards to a certain Chris Redfield?

Jill: **shifty eyes** . . . The doors in his house are so easy to lockpick. How could I refuse?

Claire: **feeling awkward** . . . Okay then. I'll pretend this didn't happen and go back to my room.

Ada: Where in the world are you going to hide all of that stuff, Jill? The rooms barely even have furniture.

Jill: I'll shove all of this in my closet for now. I'll figure out furniture later.

**Ada's phone rings**

Ada: **checks message** It's from Wesker. He has our first assignment. Let's go.

(Facility X, Waiting room)

Wesker: **on communicator** Good evening Angels.

Jill + Claire + Ada: **on sofa** Good evening Wesker.

Wesker: I have your first assignment. You are to retrieve an associate of mine from an island off the coast of Spain. I believe that Ada is familiar with him. After which, you may do as you like.

Ada: . . . you don't mean _him, _do you? He's supposed to be dead.

Wesker: The one and only. Your job is to bring him back. I want no complaints. Especially from you, Ms. Wong.

Ada: . . . Yes sir.

Wesker: You may have the evening to unpack and get settled in. I will have a chopper ready for you tomorrow.

Jill & Claire & Ada: Thank you, Wesker.

Wesker: Get some rest. You have a mission to prepare for. Good night, Angels.

FIN


	7. First Mission! IKEA!

**AN: It feels like forever and a day since I posted one of these skits. Sorry if there's not much humor in this. These skits are beginning to make up their own story, after all. That and Krauser's scene kept giving me trouble. Thank you RedSpyintheBase for giving me ideas!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil, characters of the aforementioned game, or IKEA.  
><strong>

(In Helicopter, above Island)

Claire: **looking at rubble from helicopter** What happened down there?

Ada: The island was rigged with explosives. The island was blown to bits.

Jill: This place is a mess! Who are we supposed to be looking for?

Wesker: **over monitor** Here is a photo of your target. **monitor flashes photo** Bring him back to the facility alive.

Claire: Got it, Wesker!

Wesker: So Angels, how do you like your new battlesuits?

Jill: **sarcastic** Feels like I'm back at the Tricell facility, Wesker.

Wesker: That's nice Jill. I've given you all the equipment you will need on this mission. Jill, Claire. Ada will finish briefing you on your target as well as the area momentarily. Good luck. **monitor off**

Claire: **to Ada** So what's going on with that guy Wesker wants us to pick up?

Ada: . . .He's an old nemesis of mine. We go a fair ways back. He's tried to kill me a few times.

Jill: Anything about this area we should know about?

Ada: **looks out of helicopter** There are probably a few monsters down there. I suggest taking a rifle with a heat scope. If you hear any fast, raspy breathing, stay away from it. You'll know what I'm talking about once you see it.

Jill: **looking at rubble** you think our target survived the explosion?

Ada: I'm sure. He's practically a human cockroach.

**Claire & Jill look at each other, both shrug**

Ada: Let's keep looking from up here. He's not easy to miss.

Claire: **looking at rubble* He's probably hiding in one of these buildings down here. I say we should go down and search on foot. **to Jill** Final vote's yours, Jill.

Jill: . . . ** gets up and taps on pilot's shoulder** Take us down to the roof of one of these buildings.

Pilot: Roger.

**The helicopter lands on top of one of the buildings, Jill & Claire get out**

Jill: **to Ada** Aren't you coming Ada?

Ada: **sitting in helicopter** No thanks. I'd rather have as little to do with our target as possible.

Claire: C'mon Ada, we're a team now. You're REQUIRED to participate.

Ada: I've made up my mind. You'll have to drag me off of this helicopter.

Jill: Will you come with us if we go on a shopping trip afterward?

Ada: Depends. Who's footing the bill?

Claire: I'm sure Tricell's expense accountants won't look too closely at a little "Charity donation".

Ada: . . . Fine. **gets out of copter** Who has the most experience with a sniper rifle?

Jill: **raises hand** Probably me.

Ada: You got a thermal scope?

Jill : . . . No.

Ada: Then we have to go get one. I think one of my contacts is still here; we can get one from him. Let's go.

(Different part of the island)

Claire: **climbing over rubble, grabbing jewels** What is this place, guys? It's loaded with treasure!

Ada: It used to be a military outpost, before it got blown to bits.

Jill: Who is this contact of yours, Ada?

Ada: You'll see. **looks into distance** There he is now.

Merchant: ** as Angels walk up** What are you three doin' here? This is no place for a vacation!

Ada: We're on assignment this time, looking for a certain someone. You wouldn't happen to have a thermal scope in your coat, would you?

Merchant: It's gonna cost ya, but maybe I can give ya some information as well! **looks to Claire** That treasure should cover the price nicely!

Ada: **sighs** Claire, give him the jewels.

Claire: Awww, I like shiny things. **hands over jewels in exchange for scope**

Ada: Don't worry, there should be a castle full of shiny things around here for you, Claire. The only thing guarding them is a perturbed midget that never hit puberty.

Merchant: Thanks fer the business! Who are ya lookin' for?

Ada: **sarcastic** Tall, blond, war paint, biceps the size of babies. Seen him around here?

Merchant: **thinking**. . . Ah've seen campfire smoke on the other side of the island. Look there.

Ada: Thanks. **turns to Claire & Jill** Let's go.

(On opposite side of island)

Jill: **standing over smoking fire** Well, we found the campfire. But where's the target?

Claire : It looks like he's been living off rats since the island exploded.

Ada: Ew. **checks campfire** It's still warm. He can't have gone too far.

Claire: I hear something coming from one of these piles of rubble! It's breathing!

Ada: **hears raspy breathing** Claire get away from that!

**Regenerator pops out of rubble**

Claire: Yikes! **hides behind Jill** What is that thing?

Ada: It's the monster I was talking about. Jill.

Jill: **pulls out rifle** Just tell me where to shoot.

Ada: See the red blotches through the scope? Shoot those.

**Jill shoots Regenerator, regenerator explodes**

Claire: Yuck! What a mess.

Ada: And there's probably more of them.

Jill: Okay. The campfire was meant to lead us into a trap. I'm not seeing other signs of life around here, aside from a bunch of tally marks on the rocks over there.

Claire: What about these footprints?

Ada: **inspects footprints** They're about his size. Wonder why he hasn't bothered to hide them.

Jill: Who knows? It might be another trap.

Claire: Well, we won't know unless we follow them!

Ada: **looks up** These seem to be leading towards a bunch of ruins. He's probably hiding there.

**Angels go toward building**

?: **mysterious growling from inside building**

Jill: **prepares rifle**

Ada: Easy does it, Jill. I got this. **to ?** Still not dead, are you?

Krauser: **injured, comes out from behind wall** It's been a while. . . . . bitch. **stomach growls, collapses**

Ada: **looking down at Krauser** Hello to you too, Krauser.

Claire: This is the guy?

Jill: **flicking pebbles at Krauser** Some mercenary. . . . How are we gonna get him back to the copter?

(After dragging Krauser back to the helicopter)

Claire: Man, this guy is heavy! I'm gonna try to fix him up before he wakes. **to Ada and Jill** We got any food? Looks like he hasn't eaten for some time.

Jill: I've got some sandwiches in the cooler back there.

Claire: **gets sandwiches** Perfect. One order of Jill Sandwiches for our target.

Ada: **sarcastic** Does he need a new shirt?

Claire: . . . I think he'll need more than a new shirt, Ada. His pants appear to be falling apart pretty fast.

Jill: **to Pilot** Okay, We've secured Krauser. Let's get him back to base!

Ada: Actually, there's something else we should probably do before we return.

Claire & Jill: What? O.O

Ada: **taps pilot on shoulder** Take us to the nearest IKEA. Land in the parking lot. **turns to Claire & Jill** We're getting some furniture before we go back to the facility. I'm not sleeping on the floor tonight.

(Inside IKEA)

Krauser: **in new clothes, standing in the middle of the showroom, eating Jill sandwich** Do we HAVE to be here?

Jill:**standing next to Krauser** Hey, An unhappy Ada Wong is an uncooperative Ada Wong. Learned that earlier today. **To Claire** Stop jumping on the furniture! What are you, Four?

Claire: **jumping between mattresses and couches** I have to test everything to make sure its squashy enough! **checks around** Did we lose Ada? I can't see her.

Jill: She said she was going to the children's section. I can't imagine WHY…

Claire: There's a children's section? I'll go find her! **bounces away**

Jill: **sighs** I'm gonna go browse for furniture. **leaves Krauser alone, only to be faced with a pile of stuffed toys ** . . . Ada? Is that you?

Ada: **holding giant pile of stuffed toys** I'm back. I've written down the items I want. **hands over list of items to Jill**

Jill: **takes list** Alright. But I have to say no on the pile of toys. There's not enough space in the copter.

Ada: **sighs** Fine. Where's Claire?

Jill: She went looking for you.

Ada: Great . . . **looks at Krauser's back** Get ready to hide. **throws stuffed porcupine at Krauser**

Stuffed Porcupine: **hits Krauser in the head** SQUEAK! **falls, Ada ducks into hiding spot**

Krauser: **turns around, glares at nearest small child** . . . . . . . . . Boo.

Small child: **runs away crying**

Ada: **giggles** That was fun.

Jill: **eyes widen** Uh oh, here comes Claire. I think she heard the small child. Krauser is going down.

Ada: Why? **takes out small video camera**

Jill: Watch.

Claire: **striding towards Krauser, angry** THAT was uncalled for! You might have just scarred that poor child for life! At the very least he'll have nightmares!

Krauser: Not my problem if he's a whiny wimp.

Claire: And maybe YOU'RE overcompensating! I'd like to see the skeletons in YOUR closet, tough guy!

Krauser: Why? Feel like joining them?

Claire: That doesn't matter! It's YOUR fault you scared that child! And by the way, you'd be a terrible father! Good luck finding a woman who'd date you for free!

Ada: **whispers, holding camera** Ouch. This is going on my website for sure.

Jill: It's like watching a mother hen fighting a bear and winning.

**Claire walks toward Jill and Ada**

Claire: C'mon girls, let's get our furniture and go. Men are so annoying.

(Facility X, briefing room)

Wesker: Good work getting Krauser back, Angels. I trust your first mission wasn't too much trouble?

Ada: Define "too much".

Jill: Anything else we need to do, Wesker?

Wesker: You may rest for now Angels. I'll set aside a dormitory for Krauser to use momentarily. **monitor off**

Krauser: Well, that's my cue to go train. I'm outta here. **walks toward door**

Claire: **blocks doorway** Oh no, big guy. You're needed right here and now.

Ada: Yeah, we need you to build and move all this furniture.

Krauser: Don't those things come with manuals?

Jill: Yeah, but there's no real instructions. Just pictures.

Claire: And we won't leave you alone until you decide to help us out.

Krauser: **annoyed** . . . Fine.

FIN

**AN: Weird thing about this, at one point I started to consider how a KrauserXClaire pairing would work. Probably not too well if Claire goes on about kids. XD Krauser's first part was tough to write in this skit!**

**I think I might post one of the skits I have saved in my laptop later this afternoon to make up for the absence. In the meantime, I gotta work on homework, then take some time for myself.**

**As usual, review please!  
><strong>


	8. Joyriding!

**AN: Here's a second skit that I typed up way earlier. Do not try this skit at home! Or anywhere with other cars! Unless it's a go-kart!**

**Just a smidgen of ChrisXJill in this skit. As well as a new crack pairing! XD**

(Facility X, Mid-day, Briefing lounge)

Claire: **on couch** I'm bored~! There's nothing to do around here Ada!

Ada: **leaning against wall, reading a book** You could stop hogging the sofa, for one thing. Where's Jill? I haven't seen her at all today.

Claire: **sigh** She's on a lunch date with Chris. A real one! Or so they tell me. I'm beginning to go stir-crazy over here!

Ada: Have you seen Krauser's car?

Claire: **interested** He has a car?

Ada: **nods** Krauser had to pull a few strings, but he managed to get it back after being presumed dead in Spain.

Claire: **excited** I wanna see it!

Ada: I thought you would. **closes book, Claire & Ada leave**

(Garage)

Ada: **standing in front of car** Well, here it is. Nice, isn't it?

Claire: It's a Cadillac! :D

Ada: And a Classic convertible one too. For a complete brute, Krauser actually has good taste.

Claire: Ada, We're taking this baby for a test drive. **jumps inside**

Ada: **shakes head** No good. Krauser keeps the keys with him at all times. This car is practically his baby.

Claire: **scoffs** Who says we need the keys? **hotwires car** Hop in!

Ada: Hmm, he'll be in training for the next several hours. I doubt Krauser will notice that it's gone. **gets in**

Claire: Alright! Let's go bug my brother! **drives away from Facility**

Ada: Hey Claire, I know a good patch of deserted road we should try first.

Claire: You tell me the way! I'm having the time of my life! **accelerates to 80**

Ada: That's great! Just don't get us pulled over!

Claire: **floors gas pedal** WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! XD **slows after ten seconds**

Ada: **fixing hair** You done yet, Claire?

Claire: **nods happily**

Ada: Good. My turn to drive.

(In Town, outside restaurant)

Jill: My new partners are really nice, Chris. They're both girls, by the way.

Chris: Can you tell me a little bit about them?

**Claire and Ada drive by in Cadillac**

Claire: **waves** Hi Chris~! Kiss her already! **Cadillac drives away**

Jill: **blushing**… Was that your sister? O/O

Chris: …Yeah. She must be hopped up on sugar again. Just ignore her for now.

Jill: Oh. **thoughts** Damn it! I was hoping for that kiss.

(Random Parking lot)

Claire: **sitting in front passenger seat, laughing** Oh, that was fun! The looks on their faces were priceless! XD

Ada: **in driver's seat** You still bored, Claire? :)

Claire: Nope! **sees gathering of cars & people in distance** What's going on over there?

Ada: Looks like a street race. Wanna check it out?

Claire: YES.

**Ada drives the car over to the race pit, looks around at the cars**

Ada: Of course the car to beat is the Lamborgini… **Claire gets out of the car** Where are you going?

Claire: I'm entering this race! C'mon!

Ada: Alright, alright. Speed Demon.

**Ada & Claire walk to entry station**

Manager: **looks up** You two looking for dates?

Claire: Nope. I wanna race.

Ada: She's serious.

Manager: . . . I guess you can race, li'l girl. On one condition: your friend gets to be the flag girl.

Claire: Deal. I'm in the classic Caddy over there.

Manager: I gotta check the engine before you enter. You gotta a helmet? You can buy one over there.

Claire: Okay. **to Ada** Ada, get me a helmet and some angel decals. **gives money, Ada leaves**

Manager: Okay, let's see your engine! **walks out to car w/ Claire, opens hood** Sweet Mama Jama! O.O

Claire: **jaw drops** . . Wow. O.O

Ada: **returns with helmet** You guys found the engine?

Claire: Ada. . . I think I'm in love; Krauser cut out all the dead weight and put a seriously powerful engine in here! The fluid lines are ridiculously efficient! This car must get at least 100 mpg and over 50 horsepower! Holy cow!

Ada: **confused** . . . I have no idea what you just said. I don't speak sports cars. O.o Anyway, here's the helmet and decals you wanted.

Claire: **takes gear** Thanks Ada. Don't want Wesker to chew me out for cracking my head open.

Ada: That is if Krauser doesn't do it first for wrecking his car.

Claire: **nervous giggle** I'll see you at the finish line!

(After Race, Facility Garage)

**Claire & Ada exit slightly wrecked Cadillac**

Claire: **squees** We won so much prize money! I'm probably going to have to pay Krauser for repairs though. I know I threw out the transmission when I started driving backwards.

Ada: Nice win, Claire. That guy in the Lamborghini must have been a professional. Just how long have you been racing?

Claire: Not too much. After I got my license at sixteen, I volunteered to drive home from the DMV instead of Chris. Big mistake on his part! He confiscated my license AND car keys because I made him scream like a little girl!

Ada: No wonder he's so protective.

Claire: Course, that didn't stop me from learning how to hotwire one of these babies. **pats car hood** I never figured out how to get it back to normal though.

Ada: **looks at car** We should at least leave Krauser some of the reward money to fix his car.

Claire: Good idea. **leaves money in glove compartment** What should we do with the rest?

Ada: **Looks at watch** Krauser's going to finish his workout any minute. I suggest we get the hell out of Dodge.

Claire: Ditto. How does a shopping trip sound?

FIN

**AN: The crack pairing is ClaireXKrauser's Cadillac, BTW.**

**I've got more of these skits typed up in storage on my laptop, so no worries about weird posting schedules.**

** As always, hit that review button and tell me what you think! It's easy as pulling a lever!  
><strong>


	9. NameCalling!

**AN: Hey guys (and girls, whatever you consider yourself), Just thought I'd post this up for you, since I haven't updated this series in a while.**

** I've got a message for everybody: . . . this week is going to be VERY chaotic for me, so I'm probably not going to be doing much writing until this weekend, and even then, I'll be doing "research" for one of my RE5 stories. The week after that will be a little nuts at school as well. It's not my fault; I'm taking the International Baccalaureate tests for two of my advanced classes. For anyone who doesn't know, if I do well on these tests, I might be able to earn college credit in advance and possibly bypass a class or two!** **So these tests are a pretty big deal!**

**Anyway, I'll stop rambling and let you read. I also have to get my friend JediSpartan217 to update/finish HER fanfic, even though she's been swamped lately as well. (Not with homework; she's in the school play.)**

** Disclaimer:** **I do not own Resident Evil and its characters. I just borrow them and stick them in odd situations.  
><strong>

(Facility X, Living room, 7PM)

Claire: **reading a book, sitting quietly**

Jill: **enters, enraged** WHERE COULD THAT IMBICILE BE?

Claire: **jumps out of her skin, looks over, annoyed** What crawled into your bodysuit? You nearly gave me a heart attack, Jill!

Jill: **calm** Sorry to have disturbed your quiet time, Claire, but I am STARVING. Irving should have been here with the pizza five minutes ago. What could be taking him so long?

Claire: **shrugs** Ya know Jill, why don't you settle down and try meditation. Or better yet, take a cue from this book I got.

Jill: **looks at book cover** "Finding Inner Peace"…Are you serious? **Ada enters** Oh, hey Ada. What's up with you?

Ada: Leon is getting a bit too nosy. It's getting hard to keep up with our cover. **goes into kitchen**

Jill: **annoyed** Ugh, BSAA, Organization….hey Claire! Where do you 'work' again?

Claire: TerraSave! It's a human rights…. biohazard relief… nonprofit group!

Jill: Sure it is…. You hippie.

Claire:**indignant** Hey! I am not a hippie!

Jill: It's a humanitarian organization, therefore you are a hippie!

Claire: Am not!

Ada:**comes out of kitchen** What's this about hippies? I got harassed by one when I tried to buy a pair of fur-lined leather gloves last week!

Claire: Those were made from chinchillas! A cute fuzzy chinchilla died for those gloves! Have you ever SEEN a chinchilla, Ada? Little cuddly balls of fluff that don't deserve to be dead…

Jill: See! She's siding with them!

Claire: Am not! It's acceptable to buy leather boots made from cowhide because they're killed for meat as well!

Jill: So now you betray your hippie friends!

Ada: People eat chinchillas as well, Claire. It's not like I killed them. Also, chinchillas smell funny.

Claire: Normal people don't eat chinchillas! And stop calling me a hippie! Do I call you an albino, Jill, just because you're blond and pale now? Do I call Ada the 'Asian Ms. Scarlet' because she's part Chinese and wears a red dress?

Jill: **Hippie**.

Ada: She's right Claire. TerraSave is turning you into a hippie.

Claire: No it's not!

**door opens and closes in distance**

Ada: That'll be Irving with the food. I'm out of here. I need to make sure he got the right toppings on the pizza. **leaves room**

Jill: I'll go with you, I'm starving. All those P30 injections really messed up my metabolism. **follows Ada**

Claire: You guys go start. I just need to finish reading this chapter.

Jill: **from hallway** Dirty hippie.

Claire: I heard that!

(In break room, 2 minutes later)

Irving: Okay, ladies! I got the pizza!

Jill: About time too! **grabs a slice**

Ada: Good, he got the right kind. This is the one time of the month I let myself cheat on my diet. **takes a piece**

Irving: Funny how it falls around the same time as your other time of the month, Ada.

Claire: **enters** Yes! Pizza! **goes to grab slice only to have Irving close the box** . . . What gives?

Irving: Your friends told me you can't have any of this garbage. It's got three differ'nt types of meat on it!

Claire: C'mon Irving. Just one slice. I'm not a vegetarian.

Irving: Why don'tcha have some of that salad over there, with the organic dressing. Isn't that what you hippies are supposed to be eating?

Claire: **surprise, turns to Ada & Jill** Really you guys? You told Irving about this too!

Jill: **holding pizza slices** He agrees with us.

Claire: But still, that was uncalled for! You won't even let me enjoy Pizza!

Ada: **holding pizza slice** We're only looking out for your health, Claire.

Claire: . . . You know what, fine. I'll go eat my healthy, organic green salad and drink clean water while you guys pig out on Pizza and soda. I hope every one of you gains 20 pounds. **skulks off to eat salad**

Irving: **scoffs** Yeah, Like that's gonna happen to me.

Jill: Even if he was a starving child in Africa, Irving can never gain weight.

Ada: All that grease gets absorbed into his blood. Lucky bastard.

Jill: You wanna go eat in the living room?

Ada: Sure.

**Jill and Ada leave**

Irving: Ah well. More pizza for me! **grabs last slice of pizza**

Krauser: **enters, sees pizza** Is that the last slice?

Irving: **smug, holding last slice** Yeah-huh.

Krauser: Put that slice of Pizza back into the box _slowly_, or so help me-

Irving: **stares at Krauser for a second, then stuffs last slice into his mouth and swallows it whole**

Krauser: **rages so hard that his shirt gets shredded to bits** THAT'S IT. YOU'RE HOCKING UP THAT PIZZA RIGHT NOW OR THESE FISTS WILL MAKE IT COME BACK UP AGAIN! **charges towards Irving**

Irving: **horrified** Not the face!

**Irving is tackled to the round by Krauser and the imminent beat-down of Irving begins**

Krauser: **angry** GIVE ME MY PIZZA!

**Camera pans over to Claire, who is eating her salad**

Claire: **watching fight from kitchen table** Hey, dinner and a show! The salad's not too bad either.

_FIN_

**AN: I do not have any problems or prejudices against hippies! Just thought this would be funny! Also, I have nothing against starving African children either, so don't bug me on that too!**

**Berserk Krauser is absolutely hysterical to write. The man just wants some pizza.**

**And Irving. XD He can't seem to catch a break. He also doesn't gain weight either. All that grease and salt goes to his blood, which is why his death scene in RE5 was so weird. Can't help but make fun of him.**

**As always, readers, Review!**


	10. Mission Failure! Plot Progression!

**AN: Hey people, I'm back. I just finished my other IB test (It was the speaking segment of my Chinese test), so I am bushwhacked. I would be getting myself something nice, but I'm saving up money to get Operation Raccoon City AND go to Emerald City Comic Con in Seattle. So for now, have another skit! This one is short and mostly for the purpose of furthering the storyline.**

******I am working on my side projects, another Wesker's Angels skit, and making progress on fleshing out the first chapters of UCSH2, in case anyone is watching. JediSpartan217 and I are figuring out what the final plot twists are going to be and exchanging doodles and drafts of various scenes for future reference. So yeah.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil, or its characters. I just have the one OC villain that is mentioned in this skit.  
><strong>

(Facility X, Briefing Room, Afternoon)

Ada: **sitting on sofa, checking phone** . . .

**Jill and Claire enter**

Claire: **sees Ada** Wesker paged you too?

Ada: Yes, looks like he needs us for something.

Jill: About time we got another mission. **sits**

Claire: **sits** What are we doing today? Did Wesker give you any hints?

Ada: I don't know. He didn't say much.

Wesker: **appears on monitor** Good morning, Angels.

Claire + Jill + Ada: Good Morning, Wesker!

Wesker: I have a new mission for you. You are to go investigate this facility in Alaska. **shows photograph**

Claire: why would Umbrella have a facility in Alaska?

Wesker: You know how an ice bridge sometimes forms and connects Alaska and Russia, dear heart? This particular facility sits right near the location of that site. We've seen some activity around the complex. Your mission is to take reconnaissance and come back with information.

Ada: Do we have any background information about this place?

Wesker: Only what I've been able to give you, angels. This facility was abandoned by Umbrella years ago.

Jill: So you're sending us in to see what is going on?

Wesker: Precisely. Bundle up.

( Forest near Alaska Facility, ?)

Claire: **looks through binoculars** Looks quiet to me. **passes to Jill** See anything?

Jill: **checks** . . . Nope. Wait a second. **looks at goons coming out of facility** who are those guys?

Claire:**whispers** They're HUGE! Easily bigger than my brother!

Ada: **looks** They don't look like agents of Umbrella.

Claire: One way to find out. **stands up and moves towards facility**

Jill: **angry whisper** Claire! Don't-!

(Facility X, Briefing room, Several hours later)

**Jill and Ada are dragging a bruised Claire into the briefing room**

Jill: C'mon, Claire. We're almost to the sofa.

Claire: **groan**

Ada: **grunts** We ought to start feeding you rabbit food more often. You're getting heavy. Here we go. **sets Claire on sofa**

Jill: Ugh! **flops on sofa** I can't believe I had to inject myself with P30 just to hold those guys off us.

Ada: It's a wonder we escaped at all. **sits**

**Door swishes open, footsteps**

Claire: **exhausted** Who's that?

Ada: **checks behind her** Excella.

Claire: **sarcastic** Kill me. .

Excella: **stands behind sofa** That can be arranged. I take it the mission was a failure?

Jill: **peeved** Obviously. Why isn't Wesker calling us?

Excella: He is . . . away on business. He sent me to gather your reports. So, what have you learned?

Jill: **annoyed** Alaska is _intolerably_ cold?

Claire: **exhausted** Don't attack huge thugs by yourself?

Ada: We were able to get some photographs before Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum showed up. **hands over evidence** They said something about someone named Kierznoff. The name doesn't ring any bells that I know of.

Excella:**looks over photos** . . . Interesting. You may analyze the rest of your evidence as you see fit. **returns photographs** In the meantime, I suggest you lick your wounds before Wesker returns. Wouldn't want him seeing his elite squad in this condition.

Jill: **grits teeth** You're on thin ice, Excella. Don't push your luck.

Excella: **walking toward doors** Wouldn't dream of it, Jill. **leaves**

Jill: **annoyed** Need I remind everyone how much I hate her guts?

Ada + Claire: **in unison** Nope.

**AN: As always, review. That's all I have to say.**


	11. Slumber Party Special! Part 1!

**AN: Hey there readers. Just thought I'd toss this skit up for you to read while I work on stuff. This skit a part of a three-segment special! So there's more to come yet.**

**Disclaimer**: **I do not claim ownership of Resident Evil, its characters, or any other recognizable properties.**

(Facility X, evening)

Irving: **sipping coffee, reading day-old newspaper**

Jill: **comes in, opens cupboards, muttering** Chunky or creamy peanut butter. . .I'll take both. ** raids cupboards, leaves**

Irving: **stares at Jill as she leaves**

Jill: **comes back, starts raiding fridge** Of course there's no pizza. Where is that chocolate I put in here?

Irving: **staring** Uhh, Jill? Are you on one of your crazy P30-induced binges again?

Jill: **looks up** . . . No.

Irving: Then why are you raidin' the entire kitchen?

Jill **goes back to rummaging** Can't tell you. Top secret.

Irving: C'mon, Jill! Who am I gonna tell?

Jill: **grabs snacks, closes fridge** Everybody and their pet Chihuahua. **leaves kitchen** Time to check on the others.

Irving: **thoughts** Others? **gets up to follow Jill, spies Angels whispering outside briefing lounge**

Jill: I got the snacks.

Claire: I got the manicure kit!

Ada: And I got the games and movies. We get to pick between action, horror, pure comedy, and romantic comedies.

Jill: Great! Let's get inside. Irving is probably a little suspicious.

**Angels enter briefing lounge, Irving tries to peek only to be pulled back**

Irving: What the-? Krauser? HUNK? What are youse guys doin?

Krauser: Same thing you are, only better.

HUNK: **muffled speech**

Irving: Uhhh, no. Don't know anything about this. Jill just raided the kitchen for snacks and I just followed her. What were you doing?

Krauser: I just saw Ada coming in with a bag of movies from Blockbuster. Dunno why she'd go there.

HUNK: **muffled speech**

Krauser: Of course you would, HUNK. Go check the door.

HUNK: **gets up, checks doors, gives Krauser and Irving a thumbs-down**

Krauser: Locked, huh? **HUNK nods** Guess we're sitting out here tonight.

Irving: Awww, And I was just thinking about playing some Grand Theft Auto.

Krauser: **takes seat in dining area chair** Too bad, Irving. **hears giggling from other room** HUNK, can you hear anything?

HUNK: **listens, muffled speech**

Krauser: Damn. We're in for a long night then.

Irving: **curious** What? What are they doing?

Krauser: They're having a slumber party. **looks over to daydreaming Irving** Irving, get your head out of the gutter before mine decides to join it.

(In briefing room, same time)

Claire: Alright! Since our last mission went badly, time to get our morale back up! Let's get this Girl's night in started! What should we do first?

Jill: Let's get the manicures done first while we discuss that. The paint will need time to dry. **opens manicure kit**

Ada: I've got more than enough movies to see us through the night. If that fails, then there's always trash TV on-demand. You got the popcorn, Jill?

Jill: Yep. I even found a can of bacon-flavored seasoning. Probably Irving's.

Claire: Ew. Why don't we make a bunch of prank calls?

Ada: Sounds like fun to me!

Jill: Alright!

(Outside)

Krauser: **head pressed to door** I can't hear what they're doing.

Irving: Seriously? What about all your lil' gadgets back in Spain?

Krauser: Kennedy happened.

Irving: Who?

HUNK: **muffled speech**

Irving: Oh. . . . drat.

Wesker: **walks by, stops** What are the three of you doing out here?

Irving: Your Angels have locked themselves in the briefing room. We're tryin' to figure on what's going on in there.

Wesker: You three realize you're trying to spy on three grown women, right? The oldest of which is in her thirties.

Krauser: **awkward** Er. . .

Wesker: Allow me. **Krauser moves out of the way, Wesker knocks at door** Angels? Are you in there?

Claire: **unlocks door, head pops out, nervous** Oh, hi Wesker. What are you doing here? You never show up in person.

Wesker: May I inquire as to what you and your teammates are doing that requires locking yourself in the briefing room? These men were worried.

Claire: **looks at guys, who are not hiding very well** Oh. Well . . . **to Wesker** it's a . . . team-bonding exercise! We don't want to be disturbed while we're . . . building up our teamwork! Yeah. That's why.

Wesker: . . .Fair enough. You may continue. **leaves**

Claire: **closes door and locks it**

(Inside briefing room)

Claire: **to Jill and Ada** Okay, we're clear! Krauser, Irving, and HUNK are spying on us by the way.

Ada: All the more reason to begin the prank calls. Here are the rules. Each of us writes down three names and pick them out of this hat. **holds up mobster hat**

Claire: Isn't that Leon's hat?

Ada: . . . Maybe. Each of us also writes down one theme, and then puts it in this hat. **holds up red beret**

Jill: That's one of Krauser's? Isn't it?

Ada: Definitely. ;)

Jill: As long as you don't touch my hats . . . .

Claire: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get writing!

(10 minutes later)

**Angels sit in a circle with phone in front of them**

Ada: **holding both hats** Okay, now we take turns pulling names and themes from each hat. We don't say who and what we get. Each name gets called once, but we all have to do the three themes. But we can't trade in what we get. Got it?

Claire + Jill: Got it!

Claire: I'll go first! **pulls name & theme out of hat** Oh, this is going to be fun! **dials phone**

(With Chris & Leon in a random bar)

Chris: Come on, Leon. How long have you been stalking this chick? **phone rings** I should take this call. **answers phone** Hello?

Claire: **angry** Chris, we need to talk!

Chris: **surprised** Claire? What in the-?

Claire: You know what's up, buster! All that stuff you stole from my room? I want it back!

Chris: Errr…

Claire: That includes my old stuffed animals, my dolls, those DVDs I let you borrow, and my favorite pink miniskirt! I know you have them!

Chris: What? You don't even-!

Claire: Yes, you did! I'll be coming back to the house later to pick all of it up!

Chris: You already moved all your stuff out!

Claire: Not all of it! **hangs up**

(With Angels)

Claire: **puts phone down** Okay. Who wants to go next?

Jill: I'll pick one! **pulls name and theme, nods** I know what to do with this one. **dials**

(Outside room)

Krauser: **listening at door** They've started prank calling people. Who is it going to be this time?

HUNK: **sitting in corner, turns on headset as cell phone rings** . . .

Jill: Hey there, handsome, remember me, Stacy, from last week?

HUNK: . . . . ?

Jill: You don't? That's too bad. I had a really great time with you that evening and I wanna see you again. How about we meet at Jay's bar, 6PM, this Friday night?

HUNK: . . . ?

Jill: I'll take that as a 'yes'. Don't worry; I'll recognize you. See you there! **hangs up**

HUNK: . . . **fist pump**

Irving: **bored** Gee, I wonder what HUNK's so happy about.

Krauser: If it's HUNK, the world may never know.

(Inside Briefing Room)

Jill: **puts down phone** That was fun. But HUNK is not going to have a very good Friday night, though.

Ada: No he will not. Let's see who I get to call tonight. **pulls from hat** . . . No name. This one only has a phone number on it. **to Claire and Jill**Do either of you know who this is?

Claire: Oh! I put him in! I can't remember his name, but he's very wealthy!

Ada: How wealthy are we talking?

Claire: He's got his own island, private jet, a mansion, and more servants than he knows what to do with. This guy is filthy rich, and he's a bachelor! Why do you ask?

Ada: Cause that's all I need to know. **dials phone** . . . Ah, how nice of you to pick up. I'll get to the point quickly: I'm pregnant. I've already taken a paternity test; it's yours. I'm hoping we can make an arrangement of some kind, otherwise I will have no other choice but to go public with this information. You wouldn't want that, would you? How about you send a limousine to pick me up and bring me to your summer house along with a team of housemaids, then we can sort this out properly. Ta-ta, love. **hangs up**

Claire: **laughing her butt off**

Jill: **staring at Claire** What's so funny?

(Meanwhile on Rockfort Island)

Alfred: **holding phone, stunned** . . . **drops phone and runs away** Alexia? What am I supposed to do?

(With Angels)

Ada: Let me get this straight. You set me up with the transvestite?

Jill: **holding back giggles** Oh my… Laugh it up Claire. That was a good one.

Claire: I can't stop thinking . . . .**laughs** . . . about the look on his face! Oh, this is priceless! I almost wish I was back in prison so I could see for myself!

Ada: **not amused** I'm tempted to send you to prison, Redfield, but the next prank call is yours.

Claire: **stops laughing** Okay! Here goes . . . . . . .**reaches hand into hat**

~CLIFFHANGER!~

~TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 2!~

**AN: XD I'm evil. But there will be more prank calls and other shenanigans!**

**If anyone is wondering what the three prank call categories are, they are: 'I want my stuff back', the 'Mystery girlfriend', and 'The Booty Call'. XD I'm not saying who is going to get prank called next; that'll ruin the fun. Review, and good-bye!  
><strong>


	12. Slumber Party Special! Part 2!

**AN: Yay! Part 2!**looks down** Whoa. This is a short one. To explain my absence, I had a bunch of homework, then took some time off for myself to relax. There's my excuse. Oh, and Emerald City Comic-con happened.  
><strong>

**So I spent the entire last weekend of my Spring break at Emerald City Comic-con. IT WAS AMAZING. I was able to buy some really great posters for my room, and got to see some really awesome actors IN PERSON. Sadly, I couldn't get autographs, but I saw them anyway. There were a bunch of good cosplays as well. I'd tell you all about it, but it would be too long for one Author's note. So bye!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil, its characters, or any other recognizable properties.  
><strong>

Claire: **pulls name out of hat** Oh geez. . . . I suppose it's better than the category I put in. **dialing phone** I'm going to have to apologize to this guy later. His wife is going to murder him if she hears this.

Voicemail: You've reached the Burtons, please leave a message. **beep**

Claire: **in annoying preppy voice** Hi Honey-Bear! I missed you last night! Why didn't you call me? Call me back when you get this message, okay? Bye bye! **hangs up**

Jill & Ada: **shock** O.o

Claire: **blushing**. . . I think I just sentenced Barry to sleeping on the couch for a week! **buries head in pillow** UGH! I feel so bad for him!

Jill: We can call him again later and explain, Claire. For now, let the pranks continue!

Ada: It's your turn, Jill.

Jill: **pulls name out of hat** Hoo boy, here goes nothing. **dials phone** Hey Hot Stuff, how are you doing?

Carlos: I must have amnesia, cause I think I would remember a girl like you. Care to remind me of your name, senorita?

Jill: It's . . . . Rebecca.

Carlos: Rebecca, huh? I think I know your voice from somewhere before.

Jill: **nervous** Must be the phone. Why don't we talk about you instead? How much can you bench-press?

Carlos: I can bench-press 180 pounds on a slow day. I know I've heard your voice before. Is this Jill Valentine talking by any chance?

Jill: What? I think you have the wrong person, bye! **hangs up, embarrassed** . . .

Ada: **not amused** . . . Jill. When was the last time you had a date?

Jill: I had a date with Chris last week!

Ada: One that didn't involve talking about work or missions?

Jill: . . . . . **silence**

Ada: I didn't think so.

Claire: **curious** Who was that guy? He had a nice accent.

Jill: His name is Carlos. He helped me escape Raccoon City. He's a total flirt, but he's a nice guy.

Ada: I heard him say he could bench 180 at his worst. Got any pictures of him?

Jill: **hands over cell phone**

Ada: **looks at phone** Hmm. A foreign guy. Muscular too. Where is his number? **enters number into her own cell phone** Done.

Claire: I think you're next, Ada.

Ada: **to Claire** And you are right. **pulls name from hat, shock** . . . You cannot be serious.

Claire: You have to! And there are two themes for you to pick!

Ada: **sighs** If you say so. **dials phone** I better get Wesker for my last prank call.

(With Leon & Chris)

Leon: I guess I'm not over her yet, Chris. **phone rings** I should answer that. **answers phone** Hello?

Ada: **serious** Hello Leon. You should know who this is.

Leon: Ada! When did you get my cell phone number?

Ada: That's not important right now. I want my stuff back.

Leon: **surprise** What? O.o

Ada: Remember the rocket launcher I gave you back in Spain? I know it's hanging in your living room. I want it back.

Leon: Ada how did you know-!

Ada I have my ways. That goes for the rest of my things as well. Oh, and the bandages I wrapped around you in Raccoon City? Throw those out. Better yet, burn them. You still have them, don't you?

Leon: . . . . I might have kept those too. T.T

Ada: Either way, I want my stuff back. Just leave it in a box outside the police station. We're through. **hangs up**

Leon: **crying sissy tears** Ada . . . . wait.

Chris: Was that her?

Leon: . . . . She wants her stuff back.

(With Angels)

Jill: Wow. That was brutal. O_O

Claire: **sarcastic** You really are a bitch sometimes!

Ada: Only when people deserve it. And thank you, the skill comes naturally. Why don't we take a break from prank calling?

Claire: Nah! This is WAY too much fun! **to Jill* You're next!

~TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 3~


	13. Slumber Party Special! Part 3!

**AN: Whoo! Part three of the three-part special! This one is extra long to make up for part 2! **blows party horn** Enjoy, folks. I might have to jack the rating up to 'M' because of the content, just to be on the safe side.**

**A little warning for my younger and more sensitive readers! This is where the perverted bits of this series kicks in! This skit includes tampon misuse, booty calls, innuendo, and a cold shower for our favorite mercenary. Nobody is forcing you to read this. Not comfortable with the material? Don't read this skit. Don't say I didn't warn you!**

**Note: I disclaim Ada's prank call in this chapter! That segment was written by my friend RedSpyintheBase! Give her some props! She and I are probably going to a **_**special**_** level of fandom hell for this! XD**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil, its characters, or any other recognizable brand properties.  
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(Facility X, Briefing lounge, night-time)

Jill: **just as Claire is about to pull the next name** Hold that thought girls, I gotta make a quick trip to the bathroom. Wait for my turn. **gets up and leaves room**

(Outside briefing lounge)

Jill: **steps out of room to find Krauser and Irving sitting at the table, HUNK is sitting on the floor** What are you guys doing out here?

Krauser:**indifferent** Nothin'.

Irving: Yeah, none of you goirls' business!

Jill: Okay . . . . **looks down at HUNK** Care to give me an explanation?

HUNK: **muffled speech**

Jill: Nevermind. **enters bathroom**

(Briefing room, 2 minutes later)

Ada: **whisper to Claire** Okay, get ready to switch the paper out! She's coming back!

Claire: **whispers** Okay, okay! **stuffs piece of paper in hat** Why did you tell me to do this earlier?

Ada: Blame the writer. **Jill re-enters room**

Jill: I'm back. The guys are still spying on us, if you're wondering.

Ada: **sarcastic** Really?

Claire: **groan**

Jill: **holds up bag** Don't worry, I "borrowed" some toilet paper, among other things. Now, who do I get to call? **sits down, pulls name** . . . I thought we agreed to only prank call men? What am I supposed to do with this person?

Ada: Well, you only have one category left.

Jill: **sighs** Alright. . . . This will be interesting. **dials number** Hello, Ms. Gionne? I have a bone to pick with you about my boyfriend! Yes, I mean THAT boyfriend! Stay away from him! He is mine!

Excella: What? I have no idea whom you're talking about?

Jill: I think you know who I mean! I've seen you ogling him like a piece of meat when you think I'm not around! I told you already: he is mine!

Excella: . . . . may I kindly ask who is calling?

Jill: You already know me. I'll be watching you to make sure it doesn't happen again. And it better not. **hangs up**

Claire: Good one, Jill!

Ada: Nice twist on the "I want my stuff back" theme. Well done.

Jill: Thanks. I enjoyed that very much. Who's next?

Claire: **hand shoots up** Me! My turn! Who do I get to pick? **reaches into hat, shock** . . . No. Oh no no no. Not this guy.

Ada: **looks over** Oh my.

Jill: **looks over** Wow. Sucks to be you Claire. You only have one category left, and you know which one that is-!

Claire: I get it already! I'll call him! I can't believe I'm doing this. **begins dialing phone**

(Outside briefing room)

Irving: **leaning back in chair** . . . . What are they doing in there?

Krauser: **staring at door** Beats me.

HUNK: **playing with Chinese finger-trap** . . .

Irving: ** "Bad Touch" ringtone starts playing from pocket** Whoop. That's mine! **checks number** I better take this one. Might be a customer. **answers phone** 'ello?

Claire: **flirty voice** Hey babe, I've been waiting for you to answer. I even dressed up.

Irving: **gets out of chair** You got me interested, doll. What are ya wearing?

(Inside Briefing room, with Angels)

Claire: **writing on Board** Hmm, you catch on fast. **shows board to Ada & Jill: 'What does he like?' **

Jill: **holds up board reading 'Bikinis!'**

Ada: **holds up board reading 'Cheerleaders!'**

Jill & Ada: **glance at each other, shrug**

Claire: **nods, on phone** You really want to know? . . . I picked out a bikini top and a cheer skirt just for you . . . . Wanna see my pom-poms?

Irving: Ooh, baby. You know what I like. How's about we meet up and continue this elsewhere?

Claire: **stumbling** . . . You're fantasizing about my booty right now, aren't you? Whatever you have in mind does not compare to the real deal . . . I bet you look drop-dead delicious in snakeskin boots. Have I mentioned that?

Irving: **surprise** What the-? Who are youse?

Claire: Nobody you know. See you around~! **hangs up**

(Outside briefing room)

Krauser: **sharpening knife** . . .

HUNK: **folding origami** . . .

Irving: **from inside bathroom** . . . . DAMMIT!

Wesker: **enters room** Did those telemarketers get this facility's number again? I thought I told Excella to stop buying things on the shopping channel.

Krauser: That bitch just never learns, does she?

Irving: **from inside bathroom** She sounded hot, too! T.T

Wesker: Not true, Krauser. I've taught her to sit on command; she just needs to forget how to speak and my work is done.

Irving: **from inside bathroom** Hey! Has anyone seen the toilet paper? I just bought a giant pack of dat stuff!

HUNK: **surrounded by origami animals, muffled speech**

Irving: **from inside bathroom** I bought the 100+ pack! That's enough for years!

Krauser: **shouts** Not with your bladder!

Irving:**from bathroom** Hey!

Wesker: I suppose I'll stick around for a while and avoid Excella for a few more hours. **sits down**

Krauser & Irving: **in unison** Good plan.

(With Angels in briefing room)

Claire: **blushing** . . . . .

Ada: . . .

Jill: . . . Well that was fun. :)

Claire:I think I need a shower. I feel gross. I can only imagine what Irving was thinking. **buries face in pillow** That was the most awkward phone call of my life.

Ada: Awkward? That was a disappointing performance, Claire. Here, **grabs phone** Let me show you two how it's done properly.

Jill: You have to pick a name! **holds out hat**

Ada: **picks name, rolls eyes** It HAS to be him. Alright then. **dials number**

(Outside briefing lounge)

HUNK: **muffled speech**

Krauser: Dunno. We'll soon find out.

**phone rings**

Krauser: **pulls out phone** Hey guys, It's mine this time. Hold on a sec- Hello?

Ada: **Sexy voice** Mmm . . . .Krauser, you know there is something I really must tell you.

Krauser: **surprise** Ada? What are you-?

Ada: **interrupts** I can't stop thinking about our time together in Spain. Your glistening chest, your raw power, oh, it's too much!

Krauser: **face steadily turning red** . . . .

Irving: Put it on speaker, man! C'mon!

Krauser: **flips Irving off** Ahem, Go on.

Ada: The way you put Kennedy down so effortlessly. And how you put me down, too. Just thinking about it send chills down my spine. Mmm, do you think you can do it again, Jack? **hangs up**

Krauser: **red-faced, drops phone** . . .

Irving: So what'd she say?

Krauser: I'll be right back . . . . cold water sounds good. **leaves room**

(Back with Angels)

Jill & Claire: **jaws dropped, staring at Ada**

Ada: **hiding embarrassment** . . . .What?

Claire: How did you-?

Ada: Practice.

Claire: **blushing** . . .

Jill: I think that's enough prank calls for the night. Let's do something else. Maybe . . . Truth or Dare?

Claire: Ooh! I brought my Nerf guns! :D

Ada: Maybe later, Claire. **holds up DVD** How about some comedy?

(Outside briefing lounge, 10 minutes later)

Irving: **listening at door** Ah can't believe it! They're watchin' the greatest comedian ever without me! T.T

Krauser: **returns from shower** That's kinda the point, numbskull.

Wesker: **sitting in chair, reading newspaper** How was your shower, Krauser? Did it relieve some . . . tension?

Krauser: **face turning red** I'm not going to answer that.

HUNK: **muffled speech**

Krauser: Shut up, HUNK.

(With Angels)

Ada: **listening at door** . . . They're still out there. What should we do?

Jill: **sigh** They've been spying on us for a couple of hours. We gotta get rid of them. **glances at stolen toilet paper** Is there anything in here we can use as a catapult or slingshot?

Claire: There should be a grenade launcher in the weapons cabinet. I've got my Nerf guns, too. **holds up Nerf gun**

Jill: **looking at Claire** Those might actually work for something. **rummages through stolen items** I didn't just take the toilet paper. **pulls out box of tampons**

Ada: Perfect. Here's the plan.

(Outside Briefing Room)

Irving: **throwing paper airplanes** Is it just me? Or have those goirls gotten really quiet?

Krauser: **stops sharpening knife** What?

HUNK: **muffled speech**

Krauser:… Damn, he's right! **looks at doors** What are they doing in there?

Wesker: **reading newspaper upside-down** Why don't you find out?

Krauser: **thinks about it** No way. Irving, get up there.

Irving: What? Why me?

Krauser: They'll aim for you first.

Wesker: **still reading newspaper** Do it or you're not getting paid.

Irving: FINE. **gets up and walks to doors, knocks** Hey, ladies! Ya need anything?

**Silence**

Irving: **opens door a little bit** Ladies? **sees fort made out of sofa and pillows** What the…?

Claire: **pops up behind sofa fort** Surprise! **launches toilet paper with grenade launcher**

Irving: **hit by toilet paper** HEY! **notices Jill and Ada with Nerf guns** Oh shit . . .

Claire: ATTACK! **pickes up Nerf gun and joins Jill and Ada**

Irving: **runs away from doors, dodging tampons** WE'VE BEEN FOUND OUT!

Krauser: **flips table sideways** Take cover!

Wesker: **reading newspaper** Is that mountain fresh cotton I smell? **pelted in head by tampon**

Krauser: Boss! Get in the fort!

HUNK: **dives behind cover, starts throwing origami ninja stars at Angels**

Ada:**dodging ninja stars** They're fighting back! Get ready for another round of toilet paper!

Jill: Got it! **fires toilet paper into other room**

Krauser: A flash grenade might calm them down. **pokes head over fort, only to be hit in the face with toilet paper**

Claire: **cheers** Direct hit!

Ada: **to Jill** You sure we have enough ammo for this?

Jill: Irving may be a cheapskate, but he buys in bulk! We've got more than enough ammo!

Claire: **to Jill & Ada** Hey guys, I hate to break up the powwow, but Irving appears to be waving his jacket in the air as a sign of surrender.

Ada: **looks over** Damn. This fight was just getting good.

Jill: **grins evilly** No Mercy?

Ada: He's already getting beaten up by Krauser and HUNK; that's going to hurt later.

Claire: We might as well finish this fight with a bang. Can't let all this ammo go to waste. **loads more toilet paper into launcher, fires into other room** Whoo! Can't hide from us!

Ada: **to Jill** Think we should progress forward?

Jill: **nods** To the doors! **Jill and Ada run to doors**

Ada: **peeks out** Excella's coming! Cease fire! Hide the evidence! **closes doors**

(Outside briefing room)

Irving: **peek over table** They stopped firing. What's goin' on?

HUNK: **pokes Irving, short muffled speech**

Wesker: **looks up** Why hello, Excella.

Excella: **looks at scattered toilet paper and tampons** . . . Do I want to know what is happening here?

Krauser: **applying war paint** The Angels are in the briefing room. We were trying to figure out what they were up to, but they attacked us with toiletries. **to Wesker** Permission to proceed with counter-assault, sir?

Excella: **scoffs** I will take care of this. **walks over, knocks on doors**

Ada: **opens door** Is something wrong, Ms. Gionne? **looks out at boys hiding outside** What are they doing with that table? And why are tampons and toilet paper scattered all over the place?

Excella: I was hoping you would tell me. _They_ say you and your teammates were attacking them.

Ada: Really? They said that? My friends and I haven't done anything. See for yourself. **opens door to show Claire braiding Jill's ponytail**

Excella: . . . I suppose I'll believe you this time. **walks away**

Ada: Thank you. **closes door**

Excella: **stares down Irving** . . . I'll deal with you later.

(With Angels)

Ada: **to Jill and Claire** She bought it.

Jill & Claire: **sigh in relief**

Ada: **cracks door, peeks out, starts laughing quietly**

Claire: **whispering** What is it?

Ada: One of the tampons landed in Excella's hair. She doesn't even know it's there!

Jill & Claire: **giggle**

Jill: She's gonna get a nasty shock later.

Ada: Shall we turn in for the night?

Claire: Might as well; we're going to hear Excella screaming bloody murder next time she looks in a mirror. ** sets up sleeping bag**

Jill: I wish we could see the look on her face, and everyone she talks to!

Ada: That would be the day. **settles into blankets** Five dollars say that Irving is going to have to clean up all those tampons.

Claire: **giggles** I'm glad we're teammates. Good night, girls.

Jill & Ada: Good night Claire.

Jill: Lights out, now. **turns lights out**

~FIN~

**AN: So there it is. I believe that is more than enough havoc to last a while while I work on . . . other things. Don't forget to leave a review! Bye!**


	14. Grocery Shopping!

**AN: Hey readers. It's been a while since I posted one of these skits, so here you go! This one is a direct follow-up to the Slumber party Special, so there is a storyline involved. Have fun!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil, its characters, Depends, or Flintstones vitamins. Oh, and Pocky! I don't own that either!  
><strong>

(Facility X, Noon)

Wesker: **sitting in chair, reading newspaper** Hmm, been a while since the facility was this quiet. I forgot how nice it was outside my office. **hears stampede of footsteps pass, puts down newspaper** What in the world was that? **gets up and follows stampede, peeks into kitchen**

Jill: **raiding refrigerator** Ok, I could have sworn there was chocolate in here!

Ada: **checking cabinets** Are you telling me there isn't any chocolate in this entire place?

Claire: **checking pantry**So we've got no supplies, aspirin, OR chocolate? UGH! Are you kidding me? This is the WORST possible timing!

Wesker: **thoughts** Wait a minute. Is it possible that one of their hormones have triggered each other's reactions and causing them to act like this? I'd better leave before they notice I'm here. **tries to sneak away, shoe squeaks against tile floor**

Angels: **creepy head turn, stare at Wesker** Wesker . . . .

Wesker: And that's my cue. **flees down hall**

Irving: **walking with Krauser in opposite direction, sees Wesker** Whoa! What are youse in a hurry for boss?

Krauser: You actually look a little nervous.

Wesker: **stops suddenly, fixing hair** Listen up, men. A certain time of the month has arrived for the Angels, and there are absolutely no supplies in the facility to placate them.

Krauser: How many are affected?

Wesker: ALL OF THEM.

Krauser: That does it. **grabs Irving, carries him over shoulder** We're getting out of here NOW.

Irving: **shock** WHAT THE-? Whas goin' on here?

Krauser: No time for questions! **jumps out nearest window**

Wesker: **preparing to jump out window as well**

HUNK: **wanders over, looks confused, muffled speech** ?

Wesker: We're going grocery shopping. HUNK, stay here and make sure the Angels don't kill each other. And see to it that Excella doesn't get murdered by them as well; she's still too useful to lose yet. **jumps out window after Krauser and Irving**

HUNK: **still confused** ?

(Random Grocery Store)

Irving: So . . .wha are we doin' here?

Wesker: We are here to stock up on supplies, Irving.

Irving: What about all that stuff we got attacked with? Those came in not too long ago!

Wesker: They were deemed unsuitable for reuse. The germs on the floor contaminated them; that's why I told you to burn them. So now we have to buy some more along with the other items on this list.

Irving: **takes list** Do we have ta' get aspirin and chocolate as well?

Krauser: If you value your life Irving, then 'yes'.

Wesker: We'll split up, that way we can get everything quicker. That way HUNK will have a better chance at survival; I don't think he's trained for the situation occurring at the facility. **rips section of list** I'll take care of the chocolate. **walks away**

Irving: In that case, I'll grab da pills! **rips list, gives last piece to Krauser, runs off**

Krauser: **glaring at list** …'Tampons'? What's a tampon?

(Facility X, Excella's office)

Excella: **filing her nails** . . .

HUNK: **enters office, barricades door**

Excella: **confused** Did I say you could come in?

HUNK: **rapid, muffled explanation**

Excella: **has no idea what he's saying** . . . Fine. Do whatever you want as long as it doesn't mess up my office.

HUNK: **sigh of relief**

(Meanwhile, in the tampon aisle of the Grocery Store)

Kruaser: **staring at rows of tampons, thinking** What brand do I get? And what size do they need?

Old lady: Young man? Could you reach up and bring down a box of Depends for this old lady? My arthritis is acting up today and I just can't reach…

Krauser: **turns red, brings down box of Depends** . . .

Old lady: Thank you, sir. Shopping for your daughter? Such a good father.

Krauser: **turns even redder, blurts** I don't have any kids!

Old Lady: That's alright dearie. I wish my husband was as brave as you. Your wife must be a lucky woman.

Krauser: **bright red** But I-!

Old lady: No need to be embarrassed about it. Good-bye. **leaves**

Krauser: **thinking**. . . maybe I can get some of those geezer diapers and they won't bite my head off. . .

(Excella's office)

HUNK: **sitting in front of barricaded door**

Excella: . . . **stands up and walks over to door**

HUNK: **jumps to attention**

Excella:**annoyed** Out of my way!

HUNK: . . . **steps aside, pinches nerve**

Excella: **collapses, unconscious**

HUNK: . . . **sigh of relief, exits office, seals door, replaces lockpick, finds Pocky in his pocket** ! **puts it back**

?: GET THE CHOCOLATE!

HUNK: ! **tackled to ground by Jill and Claire**

(Meanwhile, in candy aisle of grocery store)

Wesker: **looking at array of candy** Hmm… the angels aren't usually picky about what they eat, except for Ada on certain occasions, but it occurs to me that I never learned their personal chocolate preferences. There must be an easy way to solve this. **grabs shopping cart, sticks arm out and starts walking, causing ALL the chocolate to spill into cart** Oh Albert, you are brilliant. Always were.

Little girl: **pointing at Wesker** Mommy, why is that man wearing sunglasses inside?

Mother: He's blind, sweetie.

Little girl: Oh.

Wesker: **overhears conversation, pretends to be blind**

Little girl: **runs over with armful of candy** Here you go mister! Hope you get your eyes back! **gives Wesker candy, runs away**

Wesker: Well that was easy. Foolish children.

**cell phone rings, Wesker answers it**

Wesker: What is it HUNK? . . . No, you may not use lethal force. Just make sure they don't murder each other or leave the facility. . . Just do whatever I'm paying you for. . . Did you say 'a raise'? I couldn't quite hear you. Oh bother, this phone is running out of battery. As you wer- **hangs up**

(Facility X, lounge)

HUNK: **in pillow fort, holding radio, heavy muffling** …Bull!

Angels: **clawing at door** Let us in~. We know you have it~

HUNK: **rips open box of Pocky, undoes seal on gas mask, starts eating Pocky quickly**

Excella: **outside** What is going on here?

HUNK: **alarmed** ! **cracks door open, tosses stun grenade**

(Grocery Store check-out line)

Irving: **arguing with cashier** You can't refuse service to me! I'm a customer!

Merchant: Don't you see da sign! **points to sign: 'We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone'** Yer tryin' to buy seventy-eight bottles of painkillers, Strangah!

Irving: So?

Merchant: Ah eitha' have to call security, or get da cops to arrest ya on suspicion of drug dealin'!

Irving: Ah'm just tryin' to buy some pills!

Merchant: Seventy-eight bottles! **speaks into radio** Can ah get security to register twelve? Ah got a suspicious customer!

Irving: Ah, come on! **sees Krauser and Wesker, starts jumping and waving** Hey guys! Ovah 'ere!

Merchant: **hears rattling** What's in yer pockets?

Irving: Nothin'!

Merchant: Yer tryin' to shoplift as well?

Irving: Oh, oops. **pulls out more bottles from pockets** Ah couldn't fit everythin' in da cart!

Merchant: Sure ya didn't. Wait, dese are Flintstones vitamins! Security!

Irving: **eyes widen** Oh shit. . . .

(Meanwhile, with Krauser & Wesker)

Krauser: Looks like Irving's got some trouble.

Wesker: It's probably better if we don't get involved.

HUNK: **muffled greeting**

Krauser: HUNK? What are you doin' here?

HUNK: **muffled speech, holds up shopping basket**

Wesker: You wanted to buy tofu?

Krauser: Wait a sec- you left the Angels and Excella alone? We gotta get back to them! **runs away with Wesker**

HUNK: **puzzled** ?

Irving: **sees Krauser and Wesker arrive**About time youse guys showed up!

Krauser: We got everything. We're getting out of here! **stuffs Irving in shopping cart and runs**

Merchant: Oi! You didn't pay, Strangahs!

(Facility X)

Krauser: **panting for breath** That was way too close.

Wesker: **fixing hair** My thoughts exactly. I never knew cashiers were authorized to carry rocket launchers in their aprons.

Irving: Yeah! Where da heck did he get dat, anyway?

Wesker: That's not important. We have a bigger problem at hand.

Krauser: Right, **looks around** Where are the Angels? Shouldn't they be attacking us by now?

Irving: HUNK musta taken care of 'em before 'e left. Let's see if we can find 'em.

**Irving and Wesker check the living room, only to find the Angels wearing straitjackets, bite masks, and tied together in the middle of an abandoned pillow fort**

Irving: Found 'em.

Krauser: **from down hall** I found Excella locked in one of the bathrooms. Should I let her out?

Wesker: **to Krauser** Not yet.

Krauser: Good! She sounds angry and I don't want to be the first person she sees.

Wesker: **to Irving** Right. Even though its safer with them tied up, I suppose there's no choice but to go in and free them. And I'm the only one who has a chance of getting out with all my limbs.**rolls up sleeves** Once I say 'Go', get ready to throw the bags of supplies at them. But save a few boxes of each for later. We'll need those.

Irving: **looking in bags** Uh, sir? I think Krauser got the wrong—

Wesker: Go. **dashes into room**

Irving: **surprised** Gah! **tosses bag of pills, chocolate, and supplies into room just as Wesker returns** Close da door!

Wesker: **slams door shut, locks it** That will hold them for now.

Krauser: **walks over with a hand-shaped red mark on his face** Excella broke the bathroom door down. She's stronger than she looks. **whispers to Irving** Better watch out. She hits HARD.

Irving: **whispers to Krauser** I know, man.

Wesker: Anyway. The crisis has been averted. We'll leave the Angels in that room until they calm down. Until then, I wash my hands of this mess. **leaves**

Irving: Well, that makes one of us.

Krauser: Let's get out of here before Excella comes back around. I think that slap is going to leave a new scar if I don't put some ice on.

Irving: My thoughts exactly.

FIN~

**AN: You guys should know what to do by now. Leave a review, please!**


	15. Dog!

**AN: Hey guys. Here's another skit since I haven't posted one lately. This one was inspired by a random little drawing I did way way back. So it got turned into a skit. Here ya go. I don't feel like talking much right now.  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil or any of its characters. However, I do own Steve-Dog.  
><strong>

(Facility X)

**A large golden retriever runs down the halls of the facility, chased by Irving**

Irving: **winded**Hey! Get back 'ere, mutt!

Dog: :D **runs into a training room, shouts are heard from inside**

Irving: **catches up** Grr, when I'm done with you, stupid dog … **enters training room** oh... hey ladies.

Jill: **on floor, groaning** what the-? Irving? O.O

Ada:**confused** How did-?

Claire: **happy, cuddling dog** Who's this! Who's your big buddy? :D

Irving: **sighs** Someone left the back door open an' he got in! I gotta get him outta here before boss returns. Sorry Claire.

Claire: **disappointed** What? Can't we keep him? D:

Irving: **scratches head** …Well…unless one of youse can keep him, he's gonna become a test subject.

Ada: **shakes head** This creature? I'm sorry, but I'm not risking the safety of my belongings for this beast. Jill?

Jill:**still on ground** No way. I like SMALL animals, not huge dogs. O.o

Claire:**happy** I guess he's with me then! :)

Ada: Where are you going to keep him, Claire? This place doesn't really have a backyard.

Claire: I'll stick him in my workshop for now. I'll get some things in town before I go out tonight.

Irving: **nods** Smart plan. If Excella or Boss see him, they're not gonna be happy at all.

Ada: Yeah… **looks down at Jill** Are you going to be alright Jill?

Jill: **groaning** Yes. Once I'm off the ground.

Claire: **sheepish** Eh heh. I'll get this guy set up downstairs. **moves toward door**

Ada: I think Jill might want a chiropractor.

Irving: **stares at Jill** Ditto.

Jill: **annoyed** I can get up on my own! Just keep that big mutt from running me over again! _

Claire: **sheepish** Ok. I'll be responsible now. **cheerful** C'mon buddy! **leaves with Irving & dog**

Ada: **stands next to Jill and grabs her arms** Alright Jill, one, two, up! **pulls Jill up to her feet, a loud crunch is heard from Jill's spine**

Jill: **wincing in pain** Oww... .

Ada: There we go. Are you coming out to town later tonight?

Jill: Not with my back like this. I think I'll go see Chris and Leon later.

Ada: That's fine. I'm going to check on Claire and her mutt. **leaves**

(In Garage/Claire's workshop)

Claire: **opens door connected to facility** Here we are buddy! Home Sweet home!

Dog: :D **rushes in**

Irving: ** follows Claire inside, looking around**You're keepin' him down here?

Claire: Uh-huh. There's a door that goes outside, and he's got space to run.

Irving: **with dollar signs in his eyes** Next to your gorgeous motorcycle?

Claire: I'll trust Steve not to ruin it. **serious** My warning still stands, Irving. Mess with my bike, I mess you up even worse. Don't make me live up to that promise.

Irving: **confused** Who's Steve?

Ada: **enters** You're naming that dog after that kid you met in prison?

Claire: **sad, hugging Steve-Dog** Yeah. I still miss him a lot, and something about this big, dumb lug reminds me of him.

Irving: **whispers to Ada as Claire grabs stuff** Old boyfriend?

Ada: **hisses to Irving** Dead boyfriend! T-Veronica. **to Claire, normal voice** I see.

Irving: **whisper** Uh, about that . . .

Claire: **cheered up** Ok! I got this big doofus set up! I'm gonna do some work on my bike before I go out tonight. **looks at Ada and Irving** What are you guys talking about?

Irving: I'm outta here! G'Night! **leaves**

Ada: Hey Irving-! **hisses** Dammit.

Claire: **concern** Something wrong Ada?

Ada: It's nothing. Please tell me you aren't going out in your work clothes. **looks over grubby work clothes**

Claire: Nah. I'll change before we leave.

Ada: That's fine. See you in a few hours. **leaves**

Claire: Bye Ada. **to Steve-dog** You're gonna be okay Steve. :)

Steve-Dog: Baroo? :3

(With Chris and Leon in a random restaurant)

Leon: So Chris, heard from Jill or Claire recently?

Chris: Jill's coming, and Claire tells me she's doing fine in college. She's switched to online classes, though. Says there's too much potential for the campus to turn into another Raccoon City.

Leon: Huh. Guess that means she's staying out of trouble.

Chris: Whaddaya mean by "Trouble", Kennedy?

Leon: **shrugs** Well, girl like her…might be going out to wild parties, joyriding, taking guys home.

Chris: Pfft. Claire is not like that at all. I don't believe you.

Leon: How do you know? She's learning to make her own choices without her brother over her shoulder. Sooner or later she'll make some bad choices that she might not want you to know about, get what I'm saying?

Chris: Are you sure of that logic, Leon? I'd like to see some proof before you talk about my sister like that.

Jill: **arrives** Sorry I'm late guys. My spine did something weird during my usual workout. It's been a bit sore for a while.

Chris: **stands up** Let me help you with that Jill.

**POP!**

Jill: **relaxed** Ah! Thanks Chris!

Chris: Anytime. **Chris & Jill sit down**

Leon: So Jill, how's work?

Jill: Confidential as always Agent Kennedy.

Chris: I certainly hope your department's paying you enough for the work that you do. I miss being partners with you.

Jill: Don't worry; they are. Claire told me she was able to get her own workshop with her fringe benefits from TerraSave.

Chris: **impressed** Wow. I might have to visit her sometime.

Jill: Maybe not right away Chris. Claire's got a crammed social schedule right now. She's supposed to be going to a party with a co-worker of hers to unwind and have some fun.

Chris: Really? **exchanges glance with Leon** You know where she's going?

Jill: No clue. I'm sure she'll have a good time though.

Chris: . . . :(

(Facility X, 1AM)

Ada: **stumbling in tiredly** Last time I dance in these shoes.

Claire: **stumbling in after Ada**Ditto. I hope Irving remembered to let Steve out to do his business. I'm about to collapse.

Ada: Sounds good.

(2AM)

Steve-Dog: **whining loudly from garage**

Jill: **in her room, trying to sleep** For the love of….

Ada: **in her room, sleepy** …why did we let her keep it?

Claire: Sheesh. **gets up and goes to workshop**

Dog: **sees Claire, quiets down, tail wagging** :3

Claire: **stares down at Steve-dog** What? Irving said he took you out at midnight. You've got food and water.

Steve-Dog: :3

Claire: . . . good night Steve. **goes back to bed**

(3AM)

Steve-Dog: **whining even louder**

Claire: **in bed** Ugh! You've got to be kidding! **gets out of bed and opens bedroom door** . . . Irving there had better be a good reason you're outside my door at this hour or so help me-!

Irving: **annoyed** Nah. Just cam to tell ya somethin'. If that dog doesn't shut up, it's gonna become a test subject!

Claire: . . . **closes door on Irving, gathers blankets and pillows, comes back out** I'll get the rest of my furniture later. **goes off to workshop**

Ada: **poking head out of her bedroom** When she's done, I want her room. It has a bigger closet.

Irving: Meh, I don't care. As long as that bloody dog shuts up, do whateva ya want.

Jill: **pokes head out of her bedroom as well** Thank goodness. We'll figure out what to do with Ada's room in the morning.

Ada: Agreed.

(7AM, with Chris)

Chris: **thoughts** ...I can't take this anymore. I'm calling Claire. **dials phone**

Claire: **answers** Morning Chris. Whatta you callin' for? **yawns**

Chris: Just wanted to check up on my sister, that's all. You feeling okay?

Claire: I'm just really tired Chris. I got in late last night and didn't sleep well.

Chris: When did you get in last night anyway?

Clare: **giggles** Steve, stop it, I'm on the phone.

Chris: **shock** What? Claire, is someone-?

Claire: **giggles again** C'mon Steve, get off me, I'm not in the mood for kisses! I'm talking to my bro.

Chris: … I'll call you again later. **Bye!** **hangs up**

(With Claire and Steve-Dog)

Claire: **sitting in makeshift bed with Steve-dog next to her** Huh? What's with him? **shrugs** Oh well.


	16. Prank gone Wrong!

**AN: Hey there everybody! I know I said I wouldn't be able to do much for a while, but that only applies to writing new material. I can post the stuff I've stockpiled on my laptop though!**

**The next few weeks are gonna be very nerve-wracking, so this is probably the last I can post for a while. In other news, I got my first bad review on a story. This guy knew what he was talking about and had some very good points, so I wrote him a reply. I didn't try to argue; I was professional, offered a 'thank you' for his time, and everything turned out well in the end.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil, or its characters. That honor goes to Capcom.  
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(Facility X)

Claire: **reviewing intelligence, cuddling Steve-dog in break room** Hmm. . . something doesn't make sense here.

Jill: **kicks door open** :(

Claire: EEP! **pulls handgun, dives behind sofa** . . . You okay, Jill? O.o

Ada: **appears behind Jill** She just finished a training session with Wesker, so she's feeling some side effects of P30, namely the vicious mood swings.

Claire: He put that bug device on her again? **Ada nods** Curses.

Jill: **walks over and flops on couch** Hmph. :(

Steve-dog: Baroo? **stares at Jill's face** :3

Jill: **shoves Steve-dog away**

Ada: **to Claire** . . . anyway, Wesker wants me to go find Irving. That creep's been away from his lab for the last four hours and needs to get back to work. Keep analyzing that data until you find something.

Claire: Got it.

Ada: **leaves**

Jill: . . . . :(

Claire: **to Jill** You wanna tell me what's bugging you, or do I have to guess?

Jill: **sighs deeply** . . . Alright. . . .

(In Town)

Ada: **on sidewalk** Let's see . . . if I were Irving, where would I skip work? **looks around street, sees hookers on sidewalk** Of course he'd come to his one.

(Several seedy bars and nightclubs later. . . . in a random bar)

Irving: **on phone** So it's a deal then? Alrighty! I'll be seeing you later **turns around, surprised**–Ada! What are youse doing here?

Ada: **noticeably disheveled and agitated** I could be asking you the same thing Irving.

Irving: But-!

Ada: No buts! I've been whistled at, offered rides in mysterious cars, and don't get me started on how many bums have tried to cop a feel on my ass, not counting the ones that succeeded. We're going back to the lab! **grabs Irving by the ear & drags him away**

Irving: I was just about to seal a business deal! Ow ow ow.

Ada: You can call him back later.

(Inside Facility X)

Jill: **lying on couch** Wesker is barely letting us out of this place! I am going stir-crazy from all the training!

Claire: **nods, taking notes** So what can we do about it?

Jill: I want to do something mischievous, something BAD.

Claire: Like what? Play a prank on Krauser or Excella?

Jill: How about we pull a prank on Ada? Let's lock her out of the base!

Claire: I like how you think Ms. Master of Unlocking.

(Outside Facility X, nighttime)

Ada: **Tired** Okay, when I get to my room, I am taking a bubble bath. I smell like cheap perfume made out with an ashtray. **swipes keycard a few times** What the-? Why isn't this stupid machine working?

Irving: **yawns** Maybe Wesker changed the locks again. **shivers** It's cold out here.

Ada: **annoyed** Just great. Another thing to add to my night. **pulls out phone, dials number** ...Jill? Claire? Can one of you come down and let me in? The card reader's busted again.

Jill:**happy* NO!

Ada: And why not?

Jill: We decided it would be fun to lock you out! **Claire giggles in background**

Ada: **angry** Claire's in on it too?

Jill: Yep!

Ada: **growls** . . . when I get to the two of you, you are going to wish you had never been recruited into this Project. I've had a rough night and you're only making it much worse by digging your own graves. Let. Me. In.

Jill: Nope! XD

Ada: That's it. I'm coming for the both of you. **Ada hangs up phone & pulls out hookshot** Thank goodness those two leave the break room window open. Don't even think about moving Irving. I'll make this fast. **shoots hookshot, but hookshot malfunctions and falls short** . . . Wonderful. I'll have to do this the old-fashioned way. Irving, give me a boost. If you look up my dress AT ALL, I will lock you in a room with a hungry Licker.

Irving: Okay, dollface. I get the point. **assumes position** Go on. **whimpers**

Ada: **begins scaling wall, muttering** This is going to ruin my manicure for sure. Gonna murder those two in their sleep.

Irving: **once Ada is above him** Hoo boy, The joke's on Jill and Claire tonight. **to self** Glad I'm not them.

(Inside Facility X)

Claire: You think Ada's still out there? I haven't heard anything from outside.

Jill: **not caring** Eh, she'll be okay. The back door is always unlocked. She can get in through there.

Claire: But shouldn't we let her in now? Ada did say she had a rough night.

Jill: **laughs** Who cares?

Ada: **climbing through window, looking scary** I DO.

Jill & Claire: **scream in terror**

Ada: You will not believe what I have been through tonight! And what do I come back to? A pair of TRAITORS. **picks up lamp**

Claire: **panicky** Ada, put the lamp down! We can talk this out.

Ada: I think we're past the point of conversations, Ms. Redfield.

Jill: **Still on P30 high** Then let's fight! **leaps at Ada**

Ada: **fends off Jill with lamp** I am disappointed with both of you. Jill, you're too mature for this behavior. And Claire.**to Claire** I recommended you to Wesker, and this is how you repay me? I thought you knew better. **to both** Now I am going to have a little chat with Chris Redfield. **moves to bathroom with cell phone** We'll see what he has to say about this. **ducks into bathroom & closes door**

Claire: **cowering in fear** Oh geez. Ada's pissed at us. We're totally doomed.

Jill: **annoyed** Cut out the chicken act Claire! She's not so tough.

**Jill & Claire listen at bathroom door**

Ada: **on phone** Hello Mr. Redfield. This is Ada, I'm a co-worker friend of Jill and your sister. They've been causing me a few problems at my job…

Claire: That's it. My social life is over.

Jill: Just sit down and suck it up, Claire. What's the worst Chris can do?

Ada: **emerges from bathroom** Chris would like to speak to the both of you personally. **glares** Now **GET OUT.**

Jill & Claire: **flee into hallway**

Claire: Jill start the car!

Jill: Way ahead of you Redfield!

**The sound of a car engine starts and speeds away from Facility**

Ada: Hm. **smiles**

Irving: **pokes head in room** What was dat all about?

Ada: Nothing. Go make some coffee.

(Next Morning, Facility kitchen)

Ada: **making breakfast, Jill & Claire enter** How was your evening?

Claire: Chris gave me a lecture about 'respecting my partners'. . . and I'm grounded. Nothing but work, eat, and sleep for the next three days.

Jill: I got off a little easier, but ARGH! This P30 withdrawal is giving me the worst headache ever!

Ada: But both of you learned something, right?

Jill & Claire: **nodding**

Ada: That's better. Have some breakfast. **serves plates of food to Jill & Claire**

Claire: **looks at food suspiciously**

Ada: Relax. I didn't do anything to it, so stop being paranoid. We're friends here, remember?

Jill: **winces at headache pain & looks around** Hey Claire? Where's your stupid mutt?

(In Garage/ Claire's workshop)

Steve-Dog: **hiding in far corner, whimpering pitifully** T.T

~FIN~


	17. Road Trip! Season Finale! Part 1!

**AN: Hi readers! *coughs violently* I'm still sick! And on top of that I'm stressed out by tests, final projects, and college paperwork! So until most of that madness passes, I am taking a break from writing new chapters for the sake of my health. **coughs** I don't wanna have to wake up to Wesker standing over my bed with a scalpel in one hand and a plastic bag of ice in the other. He's not getting my organs that easily! So until I can get back to writing, have some stockpiled stuff!**

**This skit is part one of a special Season Finale that I've been holding onto for a while. I have part two written up, but I'll release it later! So for now, get ready to laugh until you can't breathe! Don't forget to leave a review, either!  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil, its characters . . .**pulls out list** Las Vegas, Cadillac Old Spice, or NPR. That's all. However my RP group does claim Kierznoff. He's our brain-baby; we're taking care of him just fine.  
><strong>

(Briefing Room)

Wesker: **on monitor** Good morning, Angels.

Jill + Claire + Ada: Good morning, Wesker.

Wesker: I have an assignment for you. You will be going undercover at Tricell's annual conference gala in Las Vegas-

Jill + Claire: **cheering** VEGAS! FINALLY! XD

Ada: About time. :)

Wesker: Where was I? You'll be going undercover at the conference and keep track of the man in the file I've given you.

Ada: **checks file** Daniel Kierznoff…

Claire: Who's that?

Wesker: Son of Boris Kierznoff, both of them prominent figure in the Russian branch of Umbrella while it existed. We believe that Daniel has some of Umbrella's leftover research and is planning to sell it at the Tricell shareholders' gala. Find out what he has and where he is hiding it. That is your assignment.

Jill: **to Claire + Ada** Daniel is also an old rival of Wesker's. Apparently they go way, way back.

Wesker: I've set aside your disguises in the closet behind you. You will receive more information en route.

Jill + Claire + Ada: Thank you, Wesker. **Monitor clicks off, Angels race to the closet**

Claire: **opens closet door, looks at disguises** …I call dibs on the one with pants!

Jill & Ada: **groan**

(8AM, next day, Claire's workshop)

Jill: **standing over Claire's bed** C'mon Claire, wake up. It's almost time to go!

Claire: **in bed** 5 more minutes!

Ada:**standing over Claire** You've already had five extra minutes.

Excella: **on monitor** What is happening in there? Why aren't you ready yet?

Ada: **to Excella** Claire's being stubborn, I'm afraid. **to Jill** Jill, Shall I?

Jill: I'll get the covers. **grabs blanket end**

Ada: **to Claire, holding cup of water** Okay, Claire, time to get up. **pours water in Claire's ear**

Claire: &(&% B! **curses madly, flails**

Jill: **pulls covers away** Good morning to you too, sunshine.

Ada: Haven't heard that word before. And I had to cohabitate with Krauser.

Jill: Now that the newbie's up, time to get out of here. **leaves workshop**

Ada: **to Claire** Get dressed or your disguise is forfeit.

(Outside Facility)

Claire: **comes out of facility in office attire** I'm ready to go.

Jill: **standing around, looks at Claire** . . . Where are your shoes? I don't think bunny slippers count as 'Office casual'.

Claire: **holds up shoes** I've got them. I'll change out of my slippers in the car.

Ada: **standing around** Speaking of which, where is our car?

**A rusty minivan pulls up, window rolls down to show Wesker**

Ada:**stares** . . . That's our ride?

Wesker: Yes, Ms. Wong. The original plan was to stretch out Krauser's Cadillac, but the vehicle's transmission has been ruined for sometime now. We're still trying to determine the cause.

Claire & Ada: **whistle innocently and look away**

Jill: **glances at both of them** What's up with you two?

Wesker: . . . And that's why Irving "volunteered" his van to get us to Las Vegas.

Claire: Okay . . . and why are you in the front seat?

Wesker: Isn't it obvious? I'm driving.

Jill: I'm pretty sure this van is a stickshift, Wesker. You don't know how to drive stickshift.

Wesker: I don't need to know stickshift in order to drive a van, Valentine. Where is Excella?

**Irving & Krauser come out of facility carrying several suitcases with Excella following close behind**

Excella: Put all of those in the back. I'm riding in the front. **gets in van**

Ada: Nice to know where we stand.

**Angels get into second row of van seats. The van sinks dramatically as Ada enters**

Claire: **shock** Ada! Weren't you on a diet?

Ada: I am! What did Excella pack in this dinosaur?

Krauser: **settles into his seat** Hehe. :D

Jill: **looks into third row** Why in the name of STARS are Krauser and Irving coming with us?

Irving: Hey, it's my ride I'm loaning out. My rules.

Wesker: Krauser will be acting as a personal bodyguard. Better to be safe than sorry.

Jill: So what are we? Back-up?

Excella: You three are keeping an eye on Kierznoff. Try to pull some information out of him while you're at it. And would you kindly stop kicking my seat Ms. Redfield?

Claire: I'm not kicking! These seats are tiny! Krauser is taking up more than two seats by himself! **mutters to self** Can't tell me what to do.

Wesker: Actually Dear Heart, Angels, your cover for this assignment is to be Excella's personal assistants, so you will obey her orders as well as mine during this mission.

Ada: . . . Are you kidding?

Claire: WHAT?

Jill: I think I'd rather be back on the P30.

Irving: **snickers* Hehehe.

Wesker: I don't want to hear any objections for the rest of the trip. Am I clear?

Jill + Claire + Ada: Yes sir. **Van pulls away from Facility**

Ada: **sniffs** This car smells strange. It smells like Old Spice and stale fries.

Irving: Limited Edition Fast Food scented Old Spice, to be exact.

Jill: Irving, that's special. Even for you.

Claire: What's with all these mysterious stains on the wall? **points at random stain** I really hope this red one is ketchup.

Irving: **glances over at stain** Dat one is ketchup.

Ada: What about this one on the ceiling? **points to stain**

Irving: **looks up** Huh? Never noticed that one before.

Jill: **shudders at stains before glancing over at Ada, who is minding her own business* PUNCH BUGGY! **punches Ada in the shoulder**

Ada: Ouch! What was that for?

Jill: Punch Buggy! You've never played it?

Ada: No… **rubs arm**

Jill: Lemme explain it to you…

Claire: **texting HUNK** 'Watch my dog while I'm out? K-thx-bye!' **sends text, closes phone**

Jill: That's how the game works. **looks out window** BLACK ONE! **punches Ada**

Ada: **winces, stares out window** . . . Green one. **lightly hits Jill**

Jill: That was a cheap shot! Hit harder, like this! RED ONE! **punches Ada**

Ada: **pissed off** BLUE ONE! **punches Jill so hard she collides into Claire**

Claire: **knocked over** Hey! What was that?

Ada: Punch Buggy. Do I win?

Wesker: No. I insist you stop damaging each other before the conference, so stop it before I lock you in the trunk with Excella's luggage.

Jill: There's still room back there? It's all suitcases!

Excella: There's room for a person to fit inside the suitcase.

Claire: **nursing injury** Can we at least play a game that doesn't involve hitting each other?

Irving: Ooh! What about 'I Spy'?

Wesker: . . .

Claire: I guess that means 'Yes'.

Ada: **facepalms** Oh Gawd…

Jill:**groan** Claire…

Irving: Alright! I'll start! I spy. . . .

(3 hours later)

Irving: I spy something that's big and resembles a pair of balloons.

Ada: **bored** Those clouds?

Jill:** also bored** Your huge head?

Claire: Excella's  obviously fake boobs? **receives death glare from Excella**

Irving: Nope! Krauser's biceps! Maybe you'll get this next one!

Krauser: Nah, I got one for ya Irving. I spy something that's going to be black and blue in the next seven minutes.

Irving: . . . Jill's battlesuit?

Krauser: It's going to be your face if you don't shut up! **brandishes fist at Irving**

Excella:**annoyed** Mr. Krauser, you have my full permission to hurt him.

Irving: Eep! **shuts up**

Jill: About time! I thought he'd never shut up!

Ada: **turns to look back at Krauser** Krauser, I'd never thought I'd say this, but 'Thank you'.

Krauser: **removes earplugs** Care to say that a little louder, Ada? I didn't hear that the first time. :D

Ada: . . . Nevermind.

(Seven minutes of silence later)

Claire: **bored** Are we there yet?

Wesker: No.

Claire: …Are we there yet?

Wesker: No, dear heart.

Claire: . . . How about now?

Jill: Don't you start, Claire Redfield, I'm warning you. I can hit just as hard as Ada!

Ada: She does.

Claire: I'm just asking-!

Wesker: No.

Claire: Ugh! Wesker, would it kill is to get out at a rest stop? My legs are cramping up pretty bad.

Irving: An' I gotta find a little boys' room!

Wesker: …fine. But we're on a tight schedule.

(After the ten-minute stretch break)

Jill: Much better! How much longer until we get to Vegas?

Wesker: **driving** We have about three-thousand miles to go. We lost three minutes because Krauser was constipated. Fortunately, during the time we lost, I was able to learn how to drive stickshift. Hopefully now the van won't make any more strange grinding noises.

Irving: You didn't know how to drive stick?

Wesker: Are you questioning my ability to drive, Irving?

Irving: No sir. Uh, Boss, I have to go again.

Claire: We just had a break! How is that possible?

Irving: Don't blame me! I have a small bladder!

Wesker: We are not stopping again!

Irving: Aw, C'mon! I'm about to pee my pants back here!

Krauser: **passes note up to Wesker**

Wesker: Fine. **pulls over**

Irving: **shoved out of the van** Whoa! Hey! This is a desert! It's uncivilized!

Krauser: If you're not done in 45 seconds, we're leaving you behind.

Ada: Unless you can find a porta-potty in the next 40 seconds, use one of these shrubs. Clock's ticking, Irving.

Irving: Alright! **wanders off**

(30 seconds later)

Jill: . . . He's coming back! Do it!

Wesker: **revs van**

Irving **running** NO! don't leave me! **climbs into van and shuts the door**

Jill + Claire + Krauser: **laughing their heads off**

Claire: That was a good one, Krauser! XD

Irving: Youse guys are mean.

Ada: We know.

(? Minutes later)

Claire: I'm getting bored again. Can we listen to the radio?

Jill: I got it. **reaches up to tune radio**

Claire: I can get it Jill. **reaches up past Jill** You'll pick the wrong station!

Jill: No I won't!

**Claire and Jill engage in a sissy slap-fight over the radio**

Ada: Why don't we just listen to NPR?

**Slap-fight stops, Jill & Claire stare at Ada**

Claire: Talk radio? Are you serious?

Wesker: . . . **reaches to tune radio to NPR**

Excella: ** reaches under radio and yanks out cord** Huh. Must be broken.

Irving: I just installed satellite radio in this van! T.T

Excella: Too bad.

Wesker: We've arrived. **pulls up to fancy hotel**

Claire + Jill: Ooh! **starstruck**

Ada: Wow. Tricell knows how to treat their people.

Wesker: **gets out** The keys are at the front desk. I've already made room arrangements. Krauser, Angels, help Excella with her luggage. Irving, **tosses keys** park this piece of scrap metal somewhere no one will see. Your room is with Krauser.

Irving: Wha-? Yes Boss. **drives van away**

Claire: He's sleeping on the floor tonight, isn't he?

Jill: Totally.

Ada: Well, shall we head inside? Excella's luggage isn't going to pull itself.

(Meanwhile, at Facility X)

HUNK: **reading Claire's text** . . . **looks down at Steve-Dog**

Steve-Dog: **looking up at HUNK, wagging tail** :3

HUNK: **heavy sigh** -_-

~To BE CONTINUED! ~


	18. Season Finale! Part 2!

**AN: Hi readers! Good news, I'm no longer sick, and I've finished all my important tests! Bad news, I still have a couple of final projects to do before I graduate. If I want to finish my high school career on a strong note, I have to focus on those instead of writing my other stories. I can't remember when I last posted something, so here you go!**

**This skit marks the second half of the Road Trip skit! Since it's a formal setting,** **I picked out reference pictures of the Angels' dresses. Not exactly what I had in mind, but close enough. Add 'www' and remove spaces where necessary.**

Ada's dress: the- blackberry .com/images /shopimages /product_catalogue /H/H48/H48_21 .jpg

Jill's dress: eveningdressessale .com/ 460-1419-large/ beaded-neckline-with-sheath-floor-length-skirt-2011-blue-evening-dresses-e-0337 .jpg

Claire's dress: duduta .com/media /catalog /Special_Occasion_Dresses /mermaid-halter-floor-length-beaded-pleated-brooch-evening-dress-1 .jpg

**Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil, its characters, or any recognizable pop culture references. However, I own Steve-Dog, and Kierznoff belongs to my ResEvil RP group.**

* * *

><p>(Hotel room)<p>

Claire: **enters room** Wow! This suite is amazing! **flops onto bed**

Jill: **enters** Tricell certainly knows how to treat their people.

Ada: **enters** Even the lowly assistants. **closes door** Come over here, girls.

Jill & Claire: **gather around Ada**

Ada: **handing out equipment** Wesker wants us to wear these earpieces and mouth microphones throughout the night. The mic part goes on one of your back teeth, Claire. We'll be in contact the entire time.

Claire: **takes gear** Sweet! New toys!

Jill: **takes gear** Great. What about our dresses for tonight? I already found the information file on Kierznoff that Wesker left for us.

Ada: Let's check the closet. There should be something set aside for us.

**All of them run to the closet and open it**

Jill: The blue one has my name on it! **takes dress**

Ada: I'm taking the red one! **claims dress**

Claire: **takes last dress** …Why do I get the gray one? I thought I told them to get me something pink?

Ada: There's a note attached to the back.

Jill: It's signed by Excella. She must have picked out the dresses.

Claire: **reading note** 'To Ms. Redfield: Pink is not your color'? How dare she!

Ada: **to Claire** Just suck it up and try on the dress.

Claire: **pouts** Fine. **goes into bathroom**

(In Irving & Krauser's hotel room)

Krauser: **staring at bed** . . . No.

Irving: I thought Boss got us a room with two small beds! Not one big one!

Krauser: One of us is taking the floor.

Irving: But that would waste part of the bed!

Krauser: **glares at Irving** Are you suggesting that we share a bed?

Irving: No! Ah just—

Krauser: Hold on a second. **goes over to bed, feels covers**

Irving: **puzzled** Whatcha doin'?

Krauser: **feels around** There it is. **pushes half of bed aside** It's a trick bed. Two in one.

Irving: Oh~. That's actually kinda smart.

Krauser: Yep. **climbs onto bed, switches beret for nightcap** Wake me when we have to get ready.

Irving: What the-! You're going to sleep already? But this hotel has Pay-per-View!

Krauser: **turns away from Irving, starts snoring**

Irving: Sheesh. Didn't think the big guy would fall asleep so quick. **thinks** Ah wouldn't be surprised if he had a teddy bear back at base. **lightbulb pops on over head** Ooh! That's another thing to add to my blackmail to-do list! Now where's dat TV remote….

(5 minutes later, with Angels)

Jill: **looking over files** Whoa, check out this Kierznoff guy. He's really thin and creepy looking.

Ada: And ancient. **to Claire** Hey Claire! You decent yet?

Claire: **in bathroom, sighs** Yes.

Ada: **opens door** Wow. I hate to admit it, but Excella was right. Gray is your color.

Claire: **sighs** For once I have to agree.

Jill: What are guys talking about? **walks over to bathroom** Aww, Li'l Claire looks so grown-up!

Ada: C'mon Claire. **grabs onto Claire** Stop hogging the bathroom. I'm going to do your hair right now.

Claire: **pulled by Ada** Whoa!

Jill: Hehe. My turn. **goes into bathroom**

(In ballroom, 15 minutes later)

**Angels enter**

Jill: Wow. It's nice in here.

Ada: I've seen better.

Claire: **looks around** This room is huge and filled with people! How do we find Kierznoff in this crowd?

Wesker: **in earpiece** Good of you to arrive. Your task is to find information on Kierznoff and track him.

Jill: Can't you do it by yourself?

Wesker: **earpiece** Excella is introducing me to her business contacts. Kierznoff knows me from Unbrella; he'll get suspicious if I talk to him directly.

Claire: What about Krauser and Irving?

**Krauser & Irving walk in**

Ada: My goodness, Krauser. You almost look civilized.

Krauser: **grunt*

Irving: Whadda 'bout me?

Jill: **looks at Irving's clothes** Uh . . . . no comment.

Wesker: **earpiece** It's up to you to find out what Kierznoff is up to. Use whatever method you see fit, but PLEASE be subtle about it!

Claire: **to Wesker** Fine. **to group** So where do we start?

Irving: Look, Ah'm not a part of dis operation. Ah'm goin' to the bar. **walks away** Later!

Jill: So much for him. **to group** We have to locate this Kierznoff guy first. **to Wesker** Is he in this room?

Wesker: **in earpiece** He is here, I assure you. You should be able to recognize him from the picture I provided.

Ada: **glances around room** I don't see him.

Claire: **sarcastic** Great. What's the quickest way to get to the other side of this room?

Jill: The best path would be through the dance floor. **to Krauser & Ada** I hope you two make good dance partners.

Krauser: **raises eyebrow** Why us?

Ada: Because I know how to ballroom dance, and Irving bailed on us.

Krauser: No way. I don't dance.

Ada: Do you want to be the one to tell Wesker that we failed because your ego is bigger than your brain and biceps combined?

Krauser: **silent**

Ada: C'mon. Follow my lead. **pulls Krauser to dance floor, to Jill & Claire** I'll tell you when I see him. You two take the edges.

Jill & Claire: **nod**

Jill: I'll take this side. You take the buffet and punch table.

Claire: Got it.

**Jill and Claire split up**

Claire: Ada, did you find him yet?

Ada: **in earpiece, hissing at Krauser** Quit stepping on my feet! We have to keep moving!

Krauser: **in earpiece, whisper** Which way are we going?

Ada: **earpiece** . . . There! I see him! Kierznoff is on the very far side of the room. You see him, girls?

Jill: **in earpiece** Yep. I see him. He doesn't have any guards. We should keep a close eye on him for now and see who he talks to. Claire, what are you doing?

Claire: **at punch table** I'm at the punch table. I have a bottle of strong vodka and an idea to loosen his tongue.

Ada: **earpiece** Are you-

Jill: **to Ada** She is.

Ada:**sigh** Go ahead, Claire.

Claire: With pleasure! **starts pouring vodka into punch bowl**

Wesker: **walks up with Excella** Ms. Redfield? What is the meaning of this?

Claire: **surprised** Oh! I was hoping to loosen Kierznoff's tongue by-

Wesker: Kierznoff only drinks from his personal flask. Didn't you read the file I left in your room?

Claire: **sheepish** No sir. I was being held prisoner by Ada while we were getting ready.

Wesker: Very well. I won't put you on probation, but we might be able to get some useful information out of the rest of the guests. Carry on. **leaves with Excella**

Claire: Whew! **to Jill & Ada** So much for that idea. Have you guys found any information?

Jill: Kierznoff doesn't appear to have the information we need with him. It's probably in his hotel room. I'll try there.

Ada: He's talking to somebody. I'm going to try to figure out what they're talking about.

Claire: I guess that means I'm the lookout?

Wesker: **earpiece** Precisely.

Jill: **passing by Claire, whispers** He's by the ice sculpture. Make sure he doesn't leave.

Claire: Got it. **to Ada** Got anything yet, Ada?

Ada: It sounds like Kierznoff is talking to this guy about a transaction. It could be about the information Kierznoff has. I'll see if I can get the name of the buyer.

(With Jill, Hallway)

Jill: **tries door** I found the room, but I can't get in. The lock is electronic.

Claire: **earpiece** Try the cleaning person. They usually carry master keys.

Jill: Good idea. **to nearby maid** Excuse me? I seem to have locked myself out of my room.

Maid: Allow me. **unlocks door**

Jill: Thank you! **slips inside, waits for maid to leave** Now where would Kierznoff hide that info?

(In ballroom, with Claire)

Ada: **earpiece** I got information on our buyer. Any progress?

Jill: **earpiece** I'm in his room. Looking for the information now.

Wesker: **earpiece** What is Kierznoff's status?

Claire: **looks around, shock** He's heading towards the elevators! He's going up.

Jill: **earpiece** Follow him! And buy me some time!

Claire: **rushes to elevator, gets inside as doors close**

Kierznoff:**in a heavy Russian accent** Is someone in a hurry?

Claire: My boss asked me to retrieve something from her room. She isn't the most patient person.

Kierznoff: And 'she' would be?

Claire: Excella Gionne of Tricell's pharmaceutical division.

Kierznoff: Ah. I take it you are new?

Claire: Sort of. This is the first time she's brought me to an event as one of her assistants.

Kierznoff: Assistants?

Claire: Ms. Gionne is a very demanding woman.

Kierznoff: I see. Would you mind pressing the button, Ms. . .

Claire: Claire. My name is Claire. Which floor did you want to go to?

Kierznoff: The thirteenth. You?

Claire: Same. **reaches to press button, stumbles and hits several other buttons** Oops! **doors close** Curse these shoes. I'm so clumsy… Now it will take even longer to get there.

Kierznoff: . . . .

Claire: **biting tongue, thoughts** Hurry up Jill!

**After many delays, the elevator finally reaches thirteenth floor**

Claire: **thoughts** Please let Jill be out safely!

**elevator dings, doors open, revealing Jill**

Claire: Jill! Did you find it?

Jill: I got it right here, Claire. **holds up small purse** Nothing to worry about.

Claire: **relieved** Jill, you are a lifesaver!

Jill: No problem.

Kierznoff: If you'll excuse me. **exits elevator**

Ada: **earpiece** Did you get the information?

Jill: **whispers** Yep, but we almost had a close call.

Ada: **earpiece** But you got it?

Jill: Yes.

Ada: **earpiece** Good. Rendezvous with me down here. I think this waltz is about to end.

Claire: **whispers** We're on our way.

Jill: Let's head back down together. Our boss is waiting. **enters elevator**

Claire: Ok! **presses button** Going down! **doors close**

(At bar, 5 minutes later)

Ada: **walks over, sits down at bar stool next to Irving** I cannot believe I danced with Krauser through twelve waltzes. **winces** I'm going to get a foot massage after this mission is over.

Irving: **confused** Is dis' about yer shoes? Why do youse women wear those if they hurt so much?

Ada: It's not the shoes. Krauser stepped on my toes a few times after the third round. But at least I got back at him.

Irving: Heh heh. **looks around** Where did dat big guy go, anyway? I dun see him.

Ada: He's probably nursing his dignity right now.

Jill: **walking up to bar with Claire** Probably gone to find the hotel gym.

Claire: Most likely.

Ada: **to Jill & Claire** Did you report to Wesker?

Jill: Yep. Got the info out of Kierznoff's room and handed it over to Wesker. Piece of cake.

Claire: Except for being trapped in an elevator with the enemy.

Ada: Never mind that. Want a drink?

Jill: Hmm, you know, since this hotel has its own casino, and we ARE in Las Vegas….

Claire & Ada: **nod**

Irving: . . . .I'm in. Let's go, ladies.

**They all leave the bar**

Irving: So, which one of youse ladies wants to be my 'lucky charm' for tonight?

(Outside Facility X, Morning after the Gala)

Jill: **unloading suitcases from van** Well, that was fun.

Ada: **stretching legs** Indeed. But I am not going on another road trip in the piece of junk Irving calls a 'van'.

Claire: At least now, everybody's out of our hair. **looks around** Where's HUNK? I thought I told him to meet us out here once everyone else was gone?

**screaming in distance**

Claire, Jill, & Ada: ?

**Steve-dog runs past carrying gas mask in mouth**

HUNK: **runs by a few seconds later, covering face, muffled shouting**

Ada: Oh my. **hiding giggles**

Claire: Steve! **runs after HUNK & Steve-dog** Get back here!

Jill: **laughs, watches Claire chase after HUNK** This is the most fun I've had in the past twelve hours.

Ada: **nods** Agree. What do you think you'll spend your winnings on?

Jill: A nice date with Chris. You?

Ada: Spa trip. **grabs suitcase** I'm going to make a reservation. **walks towards facility**

Jill: **leans against van** Go ahead. I'll be out here. **to Claire & HUNK** You guys wanna call it a night? Or 'Paws' for a rest?

Claire & HUNK: **shouting in distance** SHUT UP!

~END . . . . OF SEASON ONE~


	19. Intermission! Movieverse Time!

**AN: Until I can type up some more skits for the second season, have this little intermission skit! It's totally unrelated to the storyline, but whatever! Apologies for not posting anything sooner, but I just got back from my first trip to Disneyland! Space Mountain is the best roller coaster ever! I'm also having some trouble writing the second half of ch4 of UCSH2; I have to confer with my co-writer on that one.  
><strong>

**Since this skit revolves around Resident Evil: Retribution, I tried to keep the spoilers to a minimum. Although, even I don't know all the spoilers to Retribution, so some liberties were taken. If you don't want to risk spoilers, don't read! I won't be mad!  
><strong>

**If you do read this skit, this skit has guest characters from my other story, UnConventional Survival Horror. Until you read that, you probably won't know who Stevie, Mattie, and Kate are. So go read some of that fic and get an idea of their personalities! Otherwise you're in trouble!**

**Also! I did not write this skit (but made a few edits to get people in character), so I disclaim most of this skit! You can thank Jedispartan217 for this one! She asked me to put it with the rest of the skits for the sake of continuity. So yeah, enjoy!**

**This skit is dedicated to the talented Milla Jovovich! AKA Alice! XD**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil, its characters, or anything else made by Capcom! Non-canon characters own themselves.**

(Set of RE: Retribution, currently on location in Russia)

Jill: **off set, with Ada** Wow! What a day! We did a great job last scene!

Ada: **nods** Yeah, but I think you were a little too rough with my capture.

Jill: **sheepish** Sorry! It's been a while since Apocalypse. I wanted action!

Ada: Can't blame you.

Claire: **walks up with Alice** Hey ladies!

Jill & Ada: Hey there Claire, Alice.

Alice: You guys enjoying the set?

Ada: It's cold, but I prefer being on location as opposed to a studio with green-screens.

Jill: It's awesome to be able to work together again, Alice. You've changed.

Alice: Same. I can't wait for our big fight sequence.

Claire: **surprise** What? You guys get your own fight sequence? All Chris and I got was our butts kicked by Wesker! Did I mention that we lost BADLY?

Ada: **shrugs** Well, most of it is now based on RE4 and RE5 elements. The story has to move along somehow. I'm pretty sure that's what the fans requested.

Alice: They did. **holds up phone**

Ada, Claire & Jill: **look at phone** Wow.

Alice: So Ada, you having fun?

Ada: My first movie appearance? Absolutely.

Claire: I just wish I were in this one. I'm not even sure why I was called here.

Jill: You're supposed to be here; you're in this movie too.

Claire: Really?

Alice: Yeaaah, but you only get mentioned and briefly shown in the intro, remember?

Claire: Oh yeah . . . Arcadia. Stupid Umbrella coming in and kidnapping people. But hey! I can hang out here with all of you!

Jill: What about Chris? Isn't he in the intro too?

Claire: I think he's having lunch with Barry.

Ada: Ah, right. He's here too, and so is-

Leon: **in distance** Ada!

Ada: **sigh** Leon . . .

Leon: **walks up to group** I was looking for you. Ready to go Ada?

Jill: For what?

Alice: They have to do a scene together.

Ada: Now? **Leon nods** Fine. I'll see you girls later. **leaves with Leon**

Alice:**to Jill & Claire** You want to go get some lunch from the catering truck? They have tacos today.

Jill & Claire: Sure!

(By Alice's trailer, one hour later)

Jill: … And that is how I learned not to say "sandwich" around Barry.

Alice: Interesting. **looks around** Where's Claire?

Jill: I think she said she was going to take the long way by Wesker's trailer . . .

Claire: **runs past them a short ways before falling into snow pile**

Jill: **surprised** Ah!

Claire: … Ow… **pulls herself up** My eye hurts . . .

Alice: **looks at Claire's eye** Looks like you're gonna have a nice black eye later, Claire.

Jill: Mother of-! What did you do…?

Claire: Well. . . .

(5 minutes earlier, in front of Wesker's trailer)

Claire: **knocks on door, hides behind snowbank**

Wesker: **opens door** Hello? **snowball hits him in the face, Wesker takes off sunglasses**. . . Redfield . . .

Claire: **scared** Mommy…. O_O

(present)

Claire: And that's how I got this jewel of a shiner!

Alice: And WHY in the world would you do that to Wesker?

Jill: Because she's Claire.

Claire:**sheepish** Heehee.

Alice: Oh! I almost forgot! The director hired some girls to be your personal assistants. They should be showing up soon.

Claire: Really? Who?

Alice: You'll see.

Jill: Oh come on Ali-

Mattie: JIIILL! **rushes in and tackles her to the ground**

Jill: WHOA! **lands facedown in snow**

Claire: **looks down, blinks** Mattie?

Mattie: Yep!

Kate: **walks over** Looks like we found you guys.

Claire: Kate?

Kate: Yep. **looks down at Jill & Mattie** Again with the tackle-hugs? You know what happened last time.

Mattie: Hey. We're in snow; it's softer.

Jill: **in snow, muffled**GET-OFF-ME-PLEASE.

Mattie: **gets off**

Jill: **stands up, brushes snow off**

Claire: **to Alice** Are these-?

Alice: Yep. Although I'm pretty sure Stevie should be around here as well.

Kate: I think we lost her around one of the sets.

Stevie: **in distance** It's freezing out here!

Alice: Sounds like she's over by the snowmobiles. So, anyway. You now have assistants.

Kate: Stevie's supposed to be working with Ada. I'm working with Claire.

Mattie: **excited** I'm with Jill!

Claire: Great! Although, I've got a small role, so I hope you don't mind being loaned out to Alice every once in a while.

Kate: No problem.

Jill: Yeah, yeah. That's cool. **to Mattie** Hey Mattie, can you go find an ice pack for Claire's eye?

Mattie: **excited** Sure thing Jill! **starts running off, trips and lands in snow pile** I'm okay!

Kate: **sigh** I'm gonna go make sure she doesn't hurt herself, or anyone else. **starts running off** Mattie! Wait up!

Jill: Hey, speaking of Ada. I wonder what scene she's doing with Leon right about now.

(On a different area of set)

Director: Action!

Ada: **shivering** It's so cold…

Leon: **takes off his jacket and puts it on her** Here, take this. I don't need it. **rubs her shoulders**

Ada: **glares at him, whispers** Don't think you're getting a date out of this, Kennedy.

Leon: **smiles** C'mon. I know you're enjoying this.

Ada: **annoyed, whispers** You know what? That does it. **slaps him**

Leon:: **falls backwards, dazed**

Director: **annoyed** Cut! Ada!

Ada: What is it?

Director: You're supposed to take the jacket and thank him! Not slap him!

Ada: Sir, it's just his chance to flirt with me. I don't care what the script says.

Director: Hey! The fans asked for it! You have to! Now we have to do it all over again. And somebody help Leon!

Ada: **looks down at him** . . . what am I going to do with you?

Leon: … **dazed**

Stevie: **driving snowmobile** INCOMING! **drives past Leon, buries him in snow, stops** Oh, hi there Ada! Hey… uhh… where did the director say he wanted this thing?

Ada: **facepalm, sighs** . . . Why me?

~END INTERMISSION~

**AN: You know what? I'll stick in a short bio for each guest character.**

**Kate: The calmest of the three. Fave character: Claire.**

**Mattie: Very excitable. Likes hugging people. Fave characters: Chris & Jill.**

**Stevie: Hyperactive and easy to distract. Fave characters: Ada & Leon.**


End file.
